Lesser Lights (Honorable Mention):

not all of these are loons (many are quite sane), but all are notable in more than one group to some degree, or notorious in one group. There are *far* too many odd people on the net to mention all of them, or even a fraction thereof; these are some of the ones that have stuck in *other* peoples' minds as ... distinctive.

"Red-Headed Goddess":

Contrib. post:
 I still want to nominate at least in lesser Loon status the
"Red-Headed Goddess" that I saw on a.a.v and occasionally on sci.skeptic.
Doesn't anyone but me remember her? She was able to post the most
absolutely LOVELY gems of New-Age crossed with 1920's space-opera physics
which she used to combat spoilsports like me who might inquire as to how
intelligent life could exist on Venus. Her retorts were works of art,
saddened by our unenlightened state, filled with "different vibrational
states in the ether" and other buzzwords of poetic yet senseless nature.
*May* be Kathy, kathy@vpnet.chi.il.us (Redheaded Goddess), sighted recently on talk.religion.newage; may not be. Waiting for further (dis)confirmation.

Steven Fordyce (Deer are for dinner) and his ilk:

Dedicated to proving that homosexuals should not be allowed to marry, because marriage is based solely on the possibility of reproduction and the needs of the government. He and several others like him fight a losing battle daily in alt.politics.homosexuality and alt.(fan.)rush-limbaugh, usually simultaneously (UseNet makes strange bed-fellows...). Is currently several thousand points behind solely on style and grace, not even mentioning logic; is seemingly not capable of altering his worldview. Has admitted he did not marry his wife for love, and doesn't seem to understand *why* this spurs his debating opponents on... Posts from stevef@bug.UUCP (Steven R Fordyce).

Ted Kaldis (I can't understand why anyone should think I'm a "gay-basher"):

Contrib. post:
 "Christian" homophobe.  Most famous for the "tire iron incident", in
which he lent his tire iron to some friends so that they could use it
to bash some men at a gay bar.  He bragged about this in alt.flame,
then subsequently claimed he had had no idea what was going on.
Supposedly nothing came of the incident; the police turned up or something.
Believes that nobody outside the USA may comment on anything to do
with the USA.  Particularly hates Canadians who have the temerity to
comment on US issues.
 Sexist, racist and misogynist to boot.  Posted an article which listed
(mostly obscene) slang terms for Asian women, and seemed surprised when he
got flamed for it.  Seems woefully unaware of his own reputation.
Choice quotes:
- - - cut here - - -
cj@modernlvr.wpd.sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
> [...] With a name like Valerie or Sally or Trixie, a woman on the net
> is in for it.
"Trixie" is a name for a female dog.  (The four-legged variety.)
> [...]  You get Ted Kaldis responding to your posts with heavy-footed
> witticism about "feminine logic being an oxymoron."  [...]
Darling, you're just wound a little too tight.  And I know exactly
what'll loosen you up.
- - - cut here - - -
- - - cut here - - -
cramer@optilink.UUCP (Clayton Cramer) writes:
> I've seen ads in the Sonoma State Star (SSU's student newspaper), that
> specified that a gay employee was required for a graphics advertising
> position with one of the gay resorts on the Russian River.
 Well they shouldn't have any trouble finding one!  I worked in the ad
industry for over a decade, and I can tell you for a fact that homo's
seem to proliferate that industry.  My best explanation is that they
live in a fantasy world anyway (pretending that aberrant behavior is
normal) and because of this they are drawn to a profession where an
active imagination takes precedence over practical reality.
- - - cut here - - -
"If a man has sex with men, he's a homosexual -- and by definition is
 exhibiting a hate for humanity; if he carves them up afterwards, he is
 a homosexual who carries out his hate for humanity to the ultimate
 degree. [...] It is only to the depraved that the act of buggery
 represents an expression of affection."
"Lesbian: a poorly-socialized female who is unable to enter into or
 maintain a relationship with a man, and who thus resorts to engaging
 in perverse sexual acts with other females."
"I have the necessary qualifications to speak on behalf of Jesus."
"That's easy.  This is yet another example of feminine "logic" (truly
 an oxymoron if ever there was one)."
"These kinds of remarks are wholly inappropriate and are the mark of a bigot."
"I can't understand why anyone should think I'm a "gay-basher"."
> I am surprised (and probably shouldn't be) that Ted Kaldis is still around.
No you shouldn't.
> Did he ever get his tire iron back?
No.  I had to go to the junkyard and pay a buck to get another one.
-- Actually lucid for posts at a time, which puts him in the Sternlight category. --
 He, of course, euphemistically referred to [the tire-iron incident] as
"scaring some homosexuals".
 T*d once titled a post "SHUT UP CANADIAN AGITATOR!" for no good reason on
(get this) soc.culture.canada.
 You're [also] forgetting his exceedingly pedantic harping about spelling
mistakes, his claims he would vacation in Colorado because of the passing of
Proposition 2 and his claims that he would move to Louisiana because they
passed stringent anti-abortion laws.

And his proud boast that he was moving to California to get a 6-figure salary. Never happened, what a surprise. And the time he bragged about his programming expertise, and proved it by producing a version of bubble sort which he had coded in uncommented 8086 assembler "for maximum speed and efficiency".

Posts as kaldis@{remus|romulus}.rutgers.edu (Theodore A. Kaldis).

Mikhail Zeleny (That goes completely against the categorical imperative!):

Russian philosopher wanna-be; *his* objection to homosexuality (yes, I know I have about six in a row here, but *honestly*, it's one of the big nut- subjects, no pun intended, on the Net...) seems to be purely abstract: he can't imagine Kant (I think) approving of it, thinks it rules out reproduction, and so tries to show that it's metaphysically bankrupt. Seen on several different groups; try soc.culture.soviet, but mind the Zumabot ... Contrib. post: Michael Zeleny pops up all over the place. His kink is to post unbelievably long messages full of philosophical verbage which generally boil down to no content. His only `interesting' opinion is that homosexuality is immoral because it (in some way he can't define) precludes reproduction. Maybe he thinks the net will need more newbies in 18 years time.
 "No content" is a little strong, but it is clear that he's arguing
for the sheer love of long pointless arguments.  The last time
I saw him drift into a real group, the first followup (from
someone himself prone to long, relatively opaque and pedantic posts)
was started with a warning that most people in the group should
probably just ignore him and save the grief.
 Cameron Laird's beautiful summary of a few USEnet groups mentioned him:
>>I think of it as a party held in very very large house.  In one room people
>>are drinking espresso and discussing translations of Rilke, while in another
>>they're sucking nitrous out of a garbage bag and setting fire to a couch.
>rec.arts.books:  drinking espresso, and watching
>     M. Zeleny burn translations of Rilke.
>misc.woodworking:  should we burn the couch-maker,
>     because he used electricity?
>soc.history:  eat the garbage bag, inject nitrous
>     into anyone who looks like Rilke, and, anyway,
>     couches and espresso are glorious Turkish
>     inventions.
>news.groups:  no one should be permitted to say
>     "garbage bag", "fire", or "couch", because
>     newsgroups for those purposes already exist--
>     and even if they don't, it was a democratic
>     decision.
 I think it would be fun to include an example of Zeleny's attempts at
humor.  Seeing Zeleny try to tell a joke is like watching Miss Manners try
to limbo; you know it is not going to be done well, but it is amusing to
see it attempted.  There was a really good one on rec.arts.books about a
week and a half ago; too bad I didn't archive it.
 Shall we start an Urban Legend saying that Zeleny is the same guy as
"Fans-to-blow-toxic-waste-into-Latvia" Zhirinovsky?  Or maybe he's the
lost Russian twin of Dieter on the SNL "Shprockets" skits?  ("The
categorical imperative does not allow negative statements.  So you see
your attempts at humor are futile.")

Zeleny will do anything for posterity. For some articles he wrote last October in a.p.h, he put the expiration date to be Dec 31, 1999.

Posts as zeleny@oak.math.ucla.edu (Mikhail Zeleny).

magoo/Gary Landers|Warren (The Great Gary L.)/The Bard, and other prepubescents everywhere:

Generally all following the same pattern: flame and run away, or flame and stick around and never reply very sensibly to anything... A hazard of day-to-da y lurking/posting on the gay or bi groups, or alt.flame - there's many more, like Chuck Whealton, but I think I'm gonna stop with The Bard, because the examples (like the posters) just get repetitive... The particular multi-handled person mentioned above seems to grow a new "handle" after each retreat... Contrib. post:
 Oh, he made an entrance here, I think it was during late summer, with stories
focusing on young gay men, transvestites and orgies, where he made claims that
"there was nothing so shocking as seeing another naked man." Every character
except for the protagonist was portrayed as fucked up. The language was...
 The first ones were fascinating to read; after that it became like watching
the same carcrash over and over. The funny thing is that he doesn't dehumanize
gay sexuality, but just sees us (oh crime) as `unamnly'. He then proceeded to
define that in wonderfully circular defenitions, manly == having women == manly
== etc. He seemed to be beyond reason or empathy.
 Furthermore, there is this subplot somewhere of a gay brother of his who died,
and I think we are seeing guilt for ostracization of him somewhere. (By the
way, don't ever get caught doing dishes, cooking or other household chores as a
male person. He brands you `unmanly' for it).
 Wait, wait, wait, there's more, yeah: he saw being gay as taking the easy way
out. You know, can't make it with a woman, so you turn to a a man. And lesbians
don't exist, in his worldview. He never mentions them.
 By the end of it, he claimed to be here just for the flaming and having fun
with the reactions, he really didn't mean it like that, he just wanted some
attention and then proceeded to give a name by name account of people who
responded to him and that he thought they were cool and brave fighters.
 Again, another person who thinks it's ok to just take queers as objects to
flame for fun. Makes you wonder why they never go over to soc.culture.jewish or
soc.culture.african-american or something. They could have heaps more fun there
 So, is that recap enough, or do you want more?
 'The Great Gary L.' is Gary Landers, who over summer 1993 terrorized
alt.politics.homosexuality with his unbelievably crap posts on how to
stop being homosexual.
 He also posted a lot of spoof fictional tales, as I recall.
 In September 1993 he posted that, owing to requests in a.p.h., he was
going to spend a weekend 'being gay' and rattled off his own list of what
exactly being gay meant to him. Strangely, when the time came to report
the results, he was silent.
 Eventually (this must have been early October) he had so pissed
everyone off that he must have been in most people's killfiles. In
response to someone politely inviting him to leave he gave a hostage to
fortune by saying he was well liked on a.p.h. and called a net.vote to
determine whether he stayed or went.
 He lost by at least 10 posts to 0. The low number of posts asking him
to leave was probably due to his ubiquitous killfile presence. Though he
said he had actually won the vote, he did indeed go shortly after.
[He didn't stay away very long, but re-appeared as The Bard...] The Bard posted from thebard@char.vnet.net, now from thebard@jabba.cybernetics.net, and has confirmed being Gary; Gary Landers posted from scoopnet@access.digex.net, and magoo from magoo@char.vnet.net (Magoo) (magoo also has confirmed being The Great Gary L.). (7/94) Gary Warren, hardcopy@char.vnet.net has just appeared, signing his posts "The Wonderful Bard"...

Keith Cochran ("Justified and Ancient"):
A counterpart to the above several. On the seek-out-the-fundies-and-dissect- their-arguments-gleefully-with-flaming side; tends to bring abortion and/or gay rights into threads he's in. Likes to snipe at the alt.christnet (later christnet.*) groups (but had to cut back dramatically since Holonet started filtering them), and likes to crosspost to them, to talk.abortion or alt.abortion.inequity, to talk.religion.misc, and/or sometimes to talk.origins or alt.atheism (keeping things stirred up on all of them...). Also to nyx.misc, when the subject mutates to Colorado's Amendment #2, apparently partially accounting for its inflated percentages in the Arbitron ratings. Associate Professor of Religious Studies and Chair, University Sexual Discrimination Committee, for the University of Ediacara. Known in talk.abortion for discussing "aberrant sexual practices" (by their standards, anyway) and for being the unfortunate person Peter Nyikos decided to use to tell the world about his hemorrhoid problems. Keeper of the comp.databases.xbase.fox FAQ's, which says something. We're not sure what, but it says something. Posts as kcochran@nyx10.cs.du.edu (Keith "Justified And Ancient" Cochran).

xibo (You're allowed. NOT! --X.):

Kibo imitator. Title currently held by Sean "Xibo" Coates; apparently, "back when Kibo was kibo@mts.rpi.edu it was even a semi-rotating title". Not Allowed; one former holder of the title seems to have taken this seriously enough never to have posted. Apparently Head Wizard at (EVIL!)Mud. Further deponent knoweth not. Variations also existent: Scott "~ibo" Ramming, Jeremy "OS/2ibo" Reimer, Rich "mcmxciibo" Holmes (q.v.), Andrew "znribo" (varying pronunciations) Hime (who reposts interesting-to-him stuff in alt.cosuard, which recently was invaded by what seems to be the alt.1d crowd, finally fed up at all the test posts there [which was, after all, the raison d'etre of alt.1d: getting the test posts off of alt.3d ...]; they've since moved on), Anthony "SCHWAibo" Hobbs, Magnus "!kibo" Y Alvestad, Bill Marcum "beableibo" (although Andrew Bulhak claims to be the Beableibo), Headless "James `Kibo' Parry" Chicken, Lewis "McKibo" McCarthy, Craig "*ibo" Dickson, Joe "Hibo" George, d"d'ibo"kirchner, Defender of the ".ibo" Faith (ingram), Patrick ".*ibo", "kibof" Schaaf, Brian char _[]="\x69bo"; Chase, Rose Marie "AAAAEEEEIIIIbo" Holt, Jacob C "\nibo" Kesinger, Austin "Zibo" Loomis, possibly Rachel J. "asciibo" Perkins (opinions are divided). Also, very subtly, playing off Kibo's font fondness, 5150. Craig "*ibo" has the title to the -ibo namespace, and applications for an -ibofix must go to him; declarations are handled independently.
From the alt.religion.kibology FAQ:
A bad bozo, who isn't allowed.
I could if I wanted to.  See, I'm allowed to.  Xibo isn't allowed.  As
the saying goes, "You're allowed, unless you're Harry, Glass, Xibo,
Spot, Sandro Wallach, Noah Friedman (after midnight), Jay Paul Chawla,
or especially Patrick L. Obo."
[Note late addition:
"I do believe that [Andrew Beckwith (q.v.)] was never allowed, under the
doctrine which clearly states the rules:
8.1.3a (617)    People whose identity-fields formatted as standardized
spec K112-41/J positive-match the regexp '^ANDREW B*$' shall have their
allowedness status classified below level 'ALLOWED' but above level
'LEVEL BELOW NOT ALLOWED'.  Identity-fields matching '^ANDY B*$' will be
assigned allowedness levels on a case-by-case basis, the processing of
which may only be expedited if the user comes through with the dough.
                                                        -- K."]
"I have decided to forgive Jay Paul Chawla for his past sins.  I can
afford to be magnaminous because I am no longer a mere net.personality
or a net.legend but a major marketing phenomenon.
And besides, forgiving and removing from a killfile are not the same thing.
                                                        -- K."]
[Also also, Kibo has also declared George W. Hayduke to be Not Allowed, for
nominating Joel Furr and Sean Ryan for Kibo and Vice-Kibo, respectively.]
A very bad bozo, who still isn't allowed, no matter how much he whines
about it.
Sittin' in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere .plans for nobody.
Because they're on opposite sides of the real world.
Contrib. post: (from Kibo)
 When Sean "Xibo" Coates visited Boston a couple years back, he took the
MTA, and I can prove it--there's no MTA here any more because Xibo took
it.  Xibo is evil!  In a good way, though.
 Scott "~ibo" Ramming has been formulating a secret plan to rename the
MBTA to the META for some time, which would allow the trains to emply
"fuzzy" logic so that any train could stop at any station at any time,
even ones that hadn't yet been built.  I prefer this to A. J. Deutsch's
"Subway Named Moebius" concept, in which one simply writes a short story
about London subways and then changes all the station names to Boston
ones randomly when reprinting the story so that key action occurs in
nonexistent places.

May post as Xibo . This is uncertain.

Dan Gannon (q.v.) has followers and imitators:


Net-pseudonym of Milton John Kleim, Jr. Posts as hermann@TIGGER.STCLOUD.MSUS.EDU; also seen on alt.skinheads, along with:

Pendragon (White Pride! White Power!):

posts from delphi.com. Sigh.

Ross Vicksell:

can be seen on alt.revisionism.

Vitaca Milut (Pronounced: Vitacha Milut) and Zeljko Jericevic:

are attempting to link Serbo-Croatia with various Nazi war horrors. Newcomers (as of 12/93); Vitaca was posting from an10805@anon.penet.fi and Zeljko from uwaterloo; Vitaca is *now* posting through an anonymous service that *appears* to be administered by John Palmer (q.v.) (it's on tygra.michigan.com...).

Martin S. Singleton (Lots of people suffer in wars- so what if Jews do too):

another rabid anti-Semite... from alt.revisionism. Quotes:
>What is so special about Jews that when they die like other people there has t
>I've never heard any Jews bemoaning the plight of the complete extermination-
>in the most grisly ways of perfectly peaceful people, like cutting off there
>hands and feet and roasting them slowly over hot coals- of the Pygmy
>population of Tasmania in the nineteenth century.
>What about what the Jews are doing to the Palestinians?  Do you think they lik
>to be tortured in the Isreali [sic] prisons and jails with no due process of
>law, of which you profess yourself a proponent, while at the same time you are
>probably a duel [sic] citizen of Isreal and the US?
>Stop harassing me, you wolf in a sheep's pelt pulled tightly around you while
>you lie in wait for your prey.
Another quote:
>Why don't you filthy swine stop tormenting me with your libel? Now even that
>'ole "Nazi"-hunter, Ken Mcvay, is assaulting me with his propagandized lies.
>Stop bludgeoning me with your hollow-cause.
>Fortunately help is on its way. To the Fourth Reich: if you need more raw
>material for heavy industry, try South Afrika.  How about Oberkommando von
>Les rad, these mongrels are getting on my nerve.
>World War III will save the human race from America and the Jews.
>Hooray for the Great German Nation!!!!
Posts as martin@rahul.net (Martin S. Singleton).

Marc Barrett (that guy in comp.amiga.sys.advocacy):

spins tales of doom, trashes Amigas. His answer to every question is "Throw your Amigas and DOS machines away and buy a MAC", but he doesn't own a machine. -- "I refuse to acknowlege the existance of the Mac vs. MS-DOS, VMS vs. UNIX, and Amiga vs. Everyone flamers." ---Bill "final authority on Loons" VanHorne

Minas Spetzakis:

Contrib. post: How about Minas Spetzakis, star of stage, screen, and rec.humor? I got to where I could recognize his first name in rot13 (Zvanf) before I gave up reading noise-ridden rec.humor to free up time to read other noise-ridden groups.

Ah Minas! (I thought it was Spitakis, but you probably know better than me.) Star of rec.humor.english.as.a.second.language. Made a brief appearance (what? about 4 years ago?), and soon became a part of the folklore of rec.humor. Any really unfunny joke, told very badly, was soon greeted with "Minas? Is that you?", no matter who told it. (Much like the references to Sven in a.f.w these days, but with Sven it's just good natured fun.) He wasn't a loon, but he did become part of the group's folklore. This is something I've noticed: each group (or conglomeration of groups) has its own folklore, about the poster from the past (or present) who everybody talks about and knows about, but people outside that group have no clue about.

Roy Crabtree:

Contrib. posts: Just one more net.loon occurred to me-Roy Crabtree, he of the text editor that makes everything he writes look like experimental free verse, and who cannot be dissuaded of his belief that insect vectors have played a significant role in AIDS transmission (the source of a much-longer-than-necessary thread on alt.conspiracy last spring).
 Crabtree is a definite winner: remember his campaign accusing Ted
Frank of "obversion", whatever the hell that means to him?

Apparently to be found in misc.legal, following up Ted Frank's posts with the aforesaid editor...

K*nt Pa*l D*lan (Kent Paul Dolan) (you foolish child, I have more intellect in my ..etc, etc):

Contrib. post:
 What about that man from xanth, Kent Paul Dolan ? While not strictly a
net.loon, K*nt has probably pissed off more of the net than most with
his bombastic insulting style and unshakable beliefs. I last saw him
in talk.politics.drugs about two years ago - any recent sightings ?
 Oh, definitely.  K*nt's claim to infamy was the rec.arts.sf-lovers
reorganization of late 1991, for which he was the vote-taker; any
survivors of that fiasco will attest to his warm, diplomatic style
and high ethical standards. [Not!]
 A mention of the Grand sf-lovers reorg fiasco just brought back
memories of K*nt P*l D*lan... I hardly dare to type his name
out in full, Kent Paul Dolan.
 He was the vote - taker for the first attempt of rec.arts.sf-lovers in
1991.  His vitriolic comments and threats to throw out what he
considered "ballot box stuffing" votes led to the first immediate revote
in the history of Usenet because of procedural problems, and to the
eventual creation of the Usenet Volunteer Votetakers.
 Also, he served as the inspiration to one of the best pieces of
net.humor ever published, the Usenet Flame Olympics (or somesuch, it's
been some time) of 1991.
 Shortly after the revote was called, he announced that he had better
things to do with his life, was about to get married, and vanished
off the net; I have never seen him again, nor heard anybody who has.
 BTW...  does anybody still have a copy of the Usenet Olympics around?
This piece of now nearly ancient net history certainly would bear a
repost ;-)

Kent was apparently a sufferer from monopolar depression; he had treatment, and was released as "improved, not cured"; a copy of the UseNet Olympics is available as a miniFAQ, and can also be found at ocf.berkeley.edu, /pub/Usenet_Olympics ... he also had a text editor, apparently, which posted in columns about 20 characters wide (see said miniFAQ...).

Peter Trei:

[From Peter himself, in a list of net.loon nominees] last, and probably least... Peter Trei Monomaniac who greps most of Usenet for mentions of Freemasonry, and posts corrections if he feels the fraternity is being slighted. Sporadically publishes the Masonic Digest on a mailing list. Not too good at answering his email. At least he has a sense of humor... Posts as .

Mike Dahmus ("Linux sux! Linux sux! OS/2 iz g00d 4 U!"):

Often seen on the comp.* groups and alt.folklore.computers. Argues at length (about NextStep, Unix, OS/2, etc.), and crossposts. Also posts to alt.religion.kibology, rec.sport.basketball, and rec.sport.football.college; good at baiting flames, to the point of being the curator of the rec.sport.football.college Hall o' Bait (they call trolling "fishing" there for some odd reason). Has at least one archenemy, Andrew Bulhak (q.v.), whom he calls "Lumpy (tm) 'Andrew' Bulhak"; Bruce Ediger has also been mentioned. Works for IBM at last report. Has some people convinced he's convinced Penn State is God's gift to the US athletics conferences, and that OS/2 R00LZ... Has his own alt.fan group. Tied for eighth place in the Kibo election. Will argue st00pidly with NextStep advocates. May or may not be Not Allowed at the moment.

Contrib. post:

 And then there's Mike Dahmus, who claims that UNIX sucks and everything other
than OS/2 is trash and that UNIX's "mv" command is brane dam3jd because it
doesn't refuse to move files across drives.
Sigh. What a load of Bulhak. The actual reasoning was - "as long as OS/2 is
stuck with the concept of drives, and as long as it has a dynamic swapfile,
it's probably a good idea that 'move' doesn't let you move across drives."

Posts as mike@schleppo.bocaraton.ibm.com / miked@inca.gate.net (Mike Dahmus).

Andrew Bulhak (Back off, man, I'm a kibologist):

One of the more distinguishable of the a.r.k supporting cast. Will argue (usually on the right side) at length, especially against Mike Dahmus (q.v.). Will mercilessly parodize the clueless, and does a mean B1FF (q.v.)... Has canonical .sigs which show up periodically. Conducted the vote to elect the new Kibo (q.v.) (don't ask...), which Joel Furr (q.v.) ended up winning (this apparently was bad for his usual good humor, though). [7/94: Joel has passed the title on to one Daniel M Silevitch (dmsilev@athena.mit.edu), who may or may not know what to do with it, but who asked "Why is Joel calling me `James', anyway?...] Slavers in fear at the thought of new waves of net.newbies; may be justified in this. Is reportedly in Kibo's killfile... Came in first in the recent (5/94) vote for most evil net.personality, beating Kibo by 192 votes (and Argic by 227); consensus seems to be that this is due to his vote-trolling abilities rather than any residuum or effluent of pure unrelenting evil. Posts as acb@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Andrew Bulhak).


Contrib. post:
 Those who used to frequent the rec.arts.anime group still remember
the bizarreness that was
        PUMA! Meddle-not-in-the-affairs-of-PUMAs-for PUMA!
        PUMA! you-are-crunchy-and-good-with-ketchup! PUMA!

Lewis Stiller ("Examine frames XXX through YYY of Aliens to see that..."):

Alien (the movie) aficionado who was known for idiosyncratic cinematic analyse s and obscure---some say idiotic---posts. Crossposted to alt.religion.kibology and rec.arts.sf.movies, semi-incessantly (he flooded a.r.k for about two weeks with Alien posts and then dropped to `normal' (for a.r.k) posting frequency and subjects - but often xposted to r.a.sf.m, causing some interesting followup chains...). When posting on subjects other than Aliens, was entertaining to read - sample quotations: "About an ai, an anoa, and an eft?", "Pan-and-scan: what's the point?", "Higgledy-Piggledy / Kibo Ubiquitous, / Greps for his name in the / Happynet spool. // Interdimensional / Cyberspace deity: / Didaktyliaios / Dada is cool.". He has been Not Allowed (by Kibo) to post about laserdiscs to a.r.k for a while until he fulfils some Kibo-imposed condition which I (and he) disremember, possibly related to Terminator... and has nearly ceased posting altogether, about the time the first version of this FAQ came out... he says it's because he's too busy, and has a thesis to feed. We'll miss him.

Entertaining and totally non-serious (come *on*... Argic self-aware? it is to laugh!) quote: "Well, maybe Terminator 3: Usenet becomes Skynet is a bit of a stretch, but Terminator 3: Internet becomes Skynet could be a reasonable plot. And what with the rtm worm, the increasing Net connectivity, the .mil sites...I can see it. Like, what would happen if Serdar Argic became self-aware?" [tying together the Imminent Death of UseNet perennial threads, which were then focussing on Delphi, with then-current speculation on the plot of T3...]

Contrib. post:

 As another nominee for the latter category, I offer for your
consideration Lewis Stiller, ALIENS aficionado, [Lewis says the correct
terminology is "ALIEN aficionado", please.] who singlehandedly triggered and
sustained a flamewar which must have doubled the volume of rec.arts.sf.movies.
Stiller tried to get an official net-vote to have ALIEN^3 removed from the list
of Alien movies, and argued his points in all areas with a precision grasp of
the Alien movies only possible to someone with an LD player and WAY too much
time on his hands.

This post's a collector's item - Sea Wasp is not *factually* incorrect that often... Lewis held an unofficial (official? on Usenet? Hee hee) rec.art.sf.movies vote to determine whether Alien fans consider Alien 3 canonical, i.e., part of the Alien/Aliens series. After long, vociferous and acrimonious debate, from all sides, a bare majority of those responding (24-22) voted that Alien 3 should not be considered part of the canon. Highlights of the flamewar included detailed frame-by-frame analyses of key scenes in Alien which Stiller used to support his position, and his fanatical insistence that pan-and-scan VHS was an inappropriate way to watch Alien because pan-and-scan destroys Scott's wide-screen compositions and the rhythm of his editing. Hey, everybody's got to have a hobby... A miniFAQ by Lewis, explaining the Correct Way To View A Movie, is available. Posts as stiller@rhombus.cs.jhu.edu (Lewis Stiller).

Valeri Fabrikant (the only net.loon who actually killed people):

Contrib. post:
>I know this is in very bad taste, but what about that guy Fabrikant, who
>ranted incessantly for two weeks about a conspiracy at his university
>not to give him tenure (the newsgroup was sci.research; the university
>was somewhere in canada; montreal?).
 (Someone finally got sick of it and said "Well, why don't you do something
about it?".)
>He then went and shot half-a-dozen staff
>members! He posted something from jail later, I believe; or rather he
>wrote something on a laptop and had it posted. I probably still have the
>collection of posts.
>>His trial was very bizarre; he want through many lawyers and finally
>>"defended" himself; the cornerpiece of his defence, I believe, was to
>>call the judge a Muppet. Very sad, and very nasty.
[Actually, he called the members of the court, Muppets, and the judge, King
>Hey, if you really want loons, be serious!
 Eeeeuuuuwww.  Tacky.  No Fabrikant.  Let's keep it light-hearted, ok?
---Bill "HELP!!! (sound made by man drowning in loons)" VanHorne
P.S. I said earlier that cataloging every loon on Usenet would mean
 cataloging 76.3% of all posters. I now think the number is closer
 to 86.3%. And rising.
> I beg to differ.  Prof. Fabrikant, a Soviet emigre, really was being screwed
>royally by the EE department at Concordia.  He spent almost 10 years there
>and did some outstanding research.  Still, they wouldn't grant him tenure and
>kept renewing his contract.  He claimed that his chairman and other professors
>in the position of power blackmailed him into putting their names as co-author
>of his work.  This sounds quite plausible, considering that the chairman

It is standard practice in academia to put your chairman as co-author.

>co-authored hundreds of papers in various fields with numerous people in the
>department.  Fabrikant sued everyone in sight and was winning his case when,
>unfortunately, he snapped.  He brought a bagful of guns to the department and

Snapped?  He tried for nearly a year to get a gun permit, but nobody would
sign the part where it says that the applicant is mentally stable.  He even
threatened the life of the department secretary to get her to sign.
Obviously a very stable person.

>killed 5 people (mostly graduate students, I think).  It's a pity the
>chairman wasn't in the office.  That lazy bum...
> Also the judge in the case was obviously an anti-Semite prejudiced against
>Soviet emigres.

Maybe he was just prejudiced against people who call him a muppet.
[also from Bill:]
 I have also been asked *not* to include L. Detweiler the PSEUDOSPOOFING
ALERT guy, as a couple of people who know him think he's a Fabrikant in
the making, and are worried about the safety of someone who Detweiler
mentions in his posts and who lives near him in CO.

[The jury is still out on Detweiler; despite two attempts (so far) to post to news.answers a version of the FAQ inveigled from the FAQmaker, which may or may not have been altered, I decided to leave him in ... for now...]

Barbara Abernathy (I am an excellent example of why some people's newsreaders should be limited to alt.flame):

Omnipresent on alt.flame; replies, quoting at great length, with somewhat-varied insults. Not to everyone's taste. Caused an uproar by posting an alt.flame-type message calling someone she was mad at a child molestor to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery, and later took Serdar Argic's side in a typical zumaBot-followup that somehow got crossposted to alt.bigfoot *and* alt.tasteless... seemed to have no clue as to who/what the Bot was. Consistently high in the #Posts lists, except that she apparently lost her net.access for a while, but is now back. Posts as baberna@{bcpl,awk,scheme}.cse.psu.edu (Barbara Abernathy); also posted for a time from tan.crayola.somethingorother, leading to the "__X__ Your machine has a stupid name" entry on the Standard UseNet Bonehead Reply Form...

Willis Carto:

originator (?) of much of Dan Gannon's material; also inspired Boris (you cannot buy ham in Toronto because the Jooooos have taken over) Kuschel, along with the other alt.revisionism nuts, Joe Gaut (a regular sparring partner of Ted Frank's, and a tireless proponent of the proposition that everything printed in "The spotlight" is gospel) and Lance Bledsoe (Audit The Fed! Audit the Fed! It is evil!) Contrib. post:
 Willis Carto is, as I remember, a founder, or, at least, a leading
light, of the Liberty Lobby, who are publishers of the *Spotlight* and
basically an anti-Semitic bunch.  I think he antedates USENET (that
bunch may date back to the '50's or so).
 I think Bledsoe is just a John Bircher, although I may be confusing him
with *another* John Bircher in "alt.conspiracy".

Joseph Dunphy:

Contrib. post:
 [Joseph Dunphy] of sci.research.careers and a few other places deserves
honorable mention. i didn't discover sci.research.careers until the week after
Fabrikant hit the news, so i can't tell you whether dunphy ever interacted
with Fabrikant.

Rob Reinhardt (The UN is a conspiracy):

thinks the UN should be reorganized to make us better prepared for when the aliens ask us to join the Federation.

Claire Gilbert (my Florida eyes can see the smoke from the Kuwaiti oil fires which is causing our weather to change -- really!):

Contrib. post:
 A PFH [poster from Hell?] on sci. was so obnoxious her sysadmin had
to be begged to cease and desist her. At the time I was using VNEWS which
had no killfile capability. This PFH actually made me decide to learn Unix
with the express purpose of getting a newsreader (trn) with kill capability.

Homer Wilson Smith (Certainty of existence implies certainty of DESIRE and |certainty of LOSS, unbearable loss and pain):

from alt.clearing.technology and/or alt.religion.scientology . A mini-FAQ is available for him. Posts as CTM%CORNELLC.BITNET@vm.ucs.UAlberta.CA or homer@math.cornell.edu (Homer Wilson Smith).


Contrib. post:
 on the hashnet, who is guaranteed to jump into every thread, and claims to
know everybody personally. Every time the conversation veers towards
normality, he posts yet another song about sheep-fucking.


Famous in soc.culture.nordic, wages a constant battle against everybody else in the group, in his fight for the Finnish-speaking minority in Sweden. He has even posted to soc.culture.celtic asking the Welsh to help in his struggle. He got very little response. Either the Welsh people have no interest, or they have trouble understanding his posts, which are in a mixture of Swedish and Finnish. A bummer for the Welsh!

Dimitri Vulis:

Contrib. post:
 whose obnoxious, derivative and not-very-funny Soviet emigre jokes from
Brighton Beach were a weekly feature about a year ago on rec.humor . He
ignored completely any requests to stop. Eventually he started getting
flamed in demotic Russian-quite fun for those of us who could read it.
- Dan "And to think he felt it important enough to waste his two hours of daily
connect time on it" Case
 so what _is_ the deal with vulis?  is "russian emigre" a codeword for
"jew", or for "russian emigre", or for something else?  (if i recall
correctly, minor and now somewhat reformed net.loon mikhail zeleny
claimed rather convincingly that vulis's posts contained certain
tell-tale phrases which are highly un-idiomatic in english
("dandruff-covered" was one of them, i think) which were dead
giveaways of classic pathological russian anti-semitism.)  so is vulis
russian?  an emigre?  a jew in some sense?  self-hating?  maybe a
self-hating russian jewish emigre who hates only the jewish half of
themself?  or maybe they hate the russian half too?  are they now or
have they ever been, while residing in america, on the payroll of any
branch of any soviet or russian government?  did they stop posting
russian emigre jokes when the paychecks stopped coming?  are they a
zhirinovsky supporter now?  the most recent messages posted by vulis
that i have seen seem designed mainly to convince people that both
zhirinovsky and valery fabrikant are (russian?) jews.  (it's very
likely true in fabrikant's case, at least.)  maybe vulis is a
self-hating supporter of zhirinovsky and fabrikant?

Posts on soc.culture.soviet, and is apparently something of an institution there; likes to stir things up, and to flame and/or troll people. I'm not up on which sides are good and/or bad on s.c.s, which among other things seems to have been ravaged by Serdar Argic for a long time as well, driving away many of the gentler posters. Is currently engaged in flamewar with Peter V. Vorobieff there. Posts from dlv@CUNYVMS1.GC.CUNY.EDU (Dimitri Vulis, CUNY GC Math).

Roy Radow:

Passionate defender of NAMBLA on several of the gay-oriented newsgroups. Not really loon material (depending on your take on the subject, of course) - just believes there should be no (or at least a lower than currently available) minimum age of consent for sexual relations, and has NAMBLA in his .sig. May kiboze for NAMBLA. Unfortunately for his cause, people tend to groan out loud when the Dread Word is mentioned, more because it's a Thread That Will Not Die/Permanent Floating Flamewar than anything else, and that's in fact the main reason I'm including him [because he's notable for, just by posting, without even mentioning it in the post, touching off ThreadsTWND]... Posts as roy@panix.com (Roy Radow).

STella (bisexual leatherbyke pagan):

alt.sex.* denizen. Mistress of the sarcastic flame. Helped found alt.sex.bondage; hangs out there. A mini-FAQ is available (for the non-maturity-challenged only). Not a loon - just has a distinctively.. ah.. unrestrained posting style. Has been referenced (along with Kibo) in at least one guide to the Internet. Posts as STella@thelema.queernet.org and stella@netcom.com (STella).

Elf! Sternberg:

Seemingly omnipresent in any group having anything remotely to do with sex or sexual orientation (recently sighted on rec.pets.herp, even). Try alt.sex.wizards, alt.sex, or alt.sex.motss; Generally gives very good advice. Posts the "Journal Entry" series of sex stories on alt.sex.stories/ alt.sex.motss/alt.sex . Quoted (sometimes extensively) in the alt.sex.* FAQs. Cordially despised on soc.motss - but then nearly everyone on soc.motss is cordially despised by someone else there... Posts from elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg).

Gharlane of Eddore:

Semi-master flamer. Notable chiefly for his nearly unbreakable habit of setting followups to alt.dev.null, apparently in the belief that noone else's words deserve to follow his. Can be seen on rec.arts.sf.written and alt.flame, as well as alt.fan.mike-jittlov . Posts as gharlane@nextnet.csus.edu (Gharlane of Eddore).

Ted Altar:

From rec.food.veg. Was semi-single-handedly responsible for prolonging the discussion on whether or not to split r.f.v, and if so how, in news.groups, past all humanly bearable length. The ultimate upshot of this was the creation of rec.food.veg.cooking (moderated)... Contrib. post:
 He did manage to kill one [proposal] when catsclaw was suggested as
moderator by using ad hominem attacks, but he couldn't stop the next
proposal, back[ed] by Stephanie da Silva (q.v.), featuring group moderation.

Posts as taltar@beaufort.sfu.ca (Ted Altar).

John Stanley:

Was waging single-handed a flamewar in news.groups (12/93) on what the meaning, if any, of ABSTAIN in a UseNet vote is/should be/must be. Notable in this only because he was apparently alone on his side. On the other hand, was also conducting a well-done offense against Dick Depew (q.v.), pointing out repeatedly that his (Dick's) ARMM proposals are nothing more nor less than censorship. He has ended up in Dick's killfile, along with Joel Furr (q.v.), because of this. Will argue for food, or apparently for free, if he thinks he's correct; usually has good points to make (although tends to be scornful about it), and can find holes in opponents' logic quicker than you can say DI$$EMINATION... Can be seen in news.groups or news.admin.*; I cannot say at this point exactly what he'll be arguing *about*, but it's a fairly good bet he'll be arguing about *something*. Posts as stanley@skyking.oce.orst.edu (John Stanley).

Tim Pierce ("No.") and Joel Furr ("Will create newsgroups for food"):

Not loons, exactly - Tim was a sysadmin at Amherst and moderates rec.arts.erotica; just very very cynical (Tim) and very very optimistic (Joel). Found on alt.config (Tim ambushing alt.*-group proposers and Joel proposing new alt.* groups at a great rate [and newgrouping them almost as fast {in recognition of which many admins refuse to create *any* group newgrouped by Joel]) and soc.motss, rec.arts.erotica (Tim), and alt.folklore.(sub)urban, alt.fan.lemurs, comp.society.folklore, and the hijinx mailing list (Joel). A miniFAQ on Tim, by Joel, is available. More fun to watch than Abbott and Costello.

Joel "flamed a proposed rmgrouping of alt.folklore.computers to ashes in late 1992", and has his own alt.fan group, created by Serdar Argic in retaliation for Joel's newgrouping of alt.fan.serdar-argic; he furiously opposed the RFD on soc.sexuality.zoophilia for unstated reasons (possibly having to do with his long-running war against alt.fan.furry or animal characters in MUDs). Seems to have been affected rather for the worse by winning the election for Kibo some time back (you know what they say about absolute power...); the hijinx mailing list, for "getting out the vote" on one side or another of controversial Big 7 proposals, came into existence shortly after that, with him a major impetus. Recently created alt.folklore.suburban (moderated) and took over the moderation of comp.society.folklore, in reaction to the amount of "noise" on a.f.u and a.f.computers . Is putting out the Serdar Argic Howling Through The Wires T-shirt (deadline June 7th 1994, sorry), as well as the Joel Furr "WILL CREATE NEWSGROUPS FOR FOOD" mousepad and possibly the C&S Green Cards And Spam T-shirt. Is a major force behind alt.fan.lemurs, and apparently has a pet lemur Nigel and does good works for a Primate Research Center near him.

Tim, on the other hand, has a style that grows on one, and has basically simply said each objection to new alt-group proposals so *many* times (because there's so *many* people that drop in saying, for example, "I want alt.fan.shostakovich!!") that many of them have been worn down to a simple "No.". Tim *will* rmgroup your alt-group newgroup if it's not been mentioned on alt.config; that's his right, as it is anyone's, and it does help to keep alt somewhat non-totally-exponentially-growing...

Proposed as the counterbalances on the us.* hierarchy's Cabal, along with tale (q.v.) and four other less-extremely-namespace-opinionated people. Only time would tell if this would keep them completely away from alt.config... however, since the us.* proposal was shot down in flames, and discussion was moved to us.config, a new us.* hierarchy (and their involvement in it) may or may not ever actually emerge...

Post as twpierce@quads.uchicago.edu (Tim Pierce) and jfurr@acpub.duke.edu, jfurr@char.vnet.net, jkfurr@[snarf,*ip].eecs.umich.edu (Joel Furr). There is no truth to the rumor that "Furrfu!" refers to Joel.

Uncle Fester (Kiss Me - I'm An ASSHOLE!):

Father-figure to alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.d . Helps rein in the flames on occasion; former poster of the Official Assholes of a.b.p.e List (simply a periodic listing of those who have posted non-binary stuff to the binary group in the last period of time in a format designed to get their attention - he's first on every list, of course, because the List has to go on a.b.p.e to be effective). Was famous for his posting prolificacy when he first showed up on a.b.p.e; real name: Tim Hester. Has been lying low lately, but can be seen on talk.bizarre. May be reinstating the List soon... but maybe not from nyx, as his crusade against alt.sex.intergen (he believes a group for discussing, among other things, pedophilia, deserves only post-bombing) seemed to have temporarily shut nyx down... (they *said* it was for "a planned University wide network outage (for maintenance)", which shows the importance of timing...). Sadly, the Uncle Fester persona has been retired lately, with Tim now posting under his real name... Posts as thester@nyx.cs.du.edu (Tim Hester).

Brad Templeton (Is that a ... Dave *Barry* post I see?):

ClariNet founder and owner. Creator and former moderator, for years, of rec.humor.funny, back when it *was*. Some time back was engaged in per^H^Hrosecution via news.admin.* of the binary erotica groups for massive copyright violations; thinks it's every UseNetizen's duty to a) admonish the poster of each and every copyright-violating post and b) notify the magazine it's taken from... may have been exposed to Clarinet's policy meetings for a bit too long, but this attitude is quite understandable, given that it's the source of his income, and that nothing less than vigorous enforcement of ClariNet's non-re-feeding/non-re-posting policies will even slow down the flood of people wanting to re-broadcast syndicated news items and Dave Barry columns on UseNet [Note: Dave Barry's column finally became a casualty at Clarinet due to exactly this problem - the people that Brad buys it from got one too many complaints about the rebroadcastings, even with all Brad's work hunting them down, and cut off Brad's supply lines...]. Is *also* a fervent supporter of free speech on UseNet (along with several others such as Karl Denninger, each in their own separate way). Has been UseNetting since 1981... has played "devil's advocate" on news.admin.* against the large group of people wanting to toss advertising entirely off of UseNet in the wake of the Canter&Siegel spam. Tends to take Karl Denninger's side whenever the latter starts up his "the a.b.p.e.* groups are full of copyright violations and anyone who takes them is violating the laaaaaaw!" crusade, seen intermittently on news.admin.misc and a.b.p.e.d ... Contrib. post (actually, a .sig):
 Reposting a ClariNet article to any Usenet newsgroup is a violation of
copyright.  However, making fun of Brad Templeton is perfectly legal.

Posts as brad@clarinet.com (Brad Templeton).

Don Black:

Contrib. posts:
 Someone nobody's mentioned is Don Black, who believed that Jews are
literally descended from the Serpent in the Garden of Eden.
 He was living in Alabama in the mid to late 80's. My girlfriend did a
telephone interview with him for a social studies project.
 He used to be on Prodigy, too. I think he was big in the Louisiana KKK.
Daniel "And he worked in the David Duke campaign" Case

Rikiya Asano ("You so funny"):

Contrib. posts:
 I'd like to nominate Rikiya Asano, who posts on talk.politics.guns,
soc.culture.japan, et al: "All Americans are violent racists!"  There is
much speculation that R.A. is a phony, i.e., not Japanese but just
pretending to be by using broken English, references to 'Nippon', etc.,
but the jury is still out. Talk.politics.guns attracts a lot of live
wires, especially those who believe that Clinton is a [leftist,
socialist, Marxist, Communist, Nazi, traitor] and is itching to turn the
U.S. into a Marxist state. Anyone playing "Spot the Net.Loony" should
check it out, but be aware that a little t.p.g. goes a long way.
 Also posts to soc.culture.asian.american too, about how he's such catnip
to the ladies. This came in especially useful during the flame war on
alt.config about alt.sex.fetish.oriental and its proposed successor,
alt.appreciation.asian. Rikiya there went into great detail about his
own sex life and masturbatory habits-I was quite surprised. Many people
think he's a poseur, though. But do these people post to other newsgroups,
too? It hardly surprises anyone that talk.politics.guns attracts a high
degree of loons.
 I used to wish Rikiya Asano was [an AI program], but unfortunately he has
turned out to be a real civil engineering master's student at CMU. I've come
across him twice.

[Note that *many* of the talk.politics.* groups are hotbeds of flaming and odd behavior; thus this isn't really grounds for FAQ inclusion unless the behavior gets spread to other, ususally-quieter groups...]

Andrew Wiles (My proof is unfortunately far too large for this newsgroup):

Contrib. post:
 I would like to nominate as a quintessential non-net non-loon:
Andrew Wiles. (Marilyn [vos Savant], if you're out there, shaddup.)
Over in sci.math, one of Wiles's graduate students has had his
email response to a fan, answering some of the fan's questions,
posted by the fan. Here are three relevant extracts:
>First of all, I should let you know that he almost never reads his email,
>and does not read newsgroups at all. The only reason he posted
>to sci.math was because he felt he had to make some sort of
>announcement in light of all the recent rumors, and someone on
>the faculty helped to show him how to post to a newsgroup. ...
>Since Prof. Wiles has not even been keeping up with all the rumors
>surrounding the status of his proof (when I asked him about a few of
>them, he said that he had not heard of them at all!), instead spending
>his time on the proof itself, I don't think he has paid much attention
>to what Marilyn has to say. ...
>I suspect he probably doesn't even know who Ludwig Plutonium is! :)
 I suspect he probably doesn't even know who I am, either, even though
we were once co-guests-of-honor at a party a friend of mine threw....

N.O. Monaghan:

Contrib. post:
 Another one who occurred to me-N.O. Monaghan, seen in many of the same
groups as Jack Schmidling was, and a great fan of Fascism, the medieval
Catholic Church, and the British National Party.

John De Armond (I cheer every time a pig is killed):

Contrib. post:
 In that vein, I think John "I cheer every time a pig is killed" De
Armond would have to get some recognition, especially since he posts
to alt.law.enforcement.

AJ Teel (Sui Juris):

Contrib. posts:
 While we're at it: don't forget AJ Teel ("Sui Juris"), who is
convinced (and wants to convince all of us -- over and over again)
that the Uniform Commercial Code (section 1-207, to be precise) will
get you out of ANY traffic ticket.
 Is that the same guy who also posts to alt.conspiracy and alt.activism
about how a) you can avoid paying income tax by simply not sending in a
return, and b) how juries have the power to simply refuse to convict the
person despite overwhelming evidence of guilt as a form of civil
disobedience? And other legal gimmicks-although I think he stopped with
the jury nullification thing because he (or some respondent) crossposted
to misc.legal and someone there dug up laws from several states that state
law says that juries are *required* to convict guilty people?
 This needs commenting.  It is true that juries have that power. There is
no law that can force them to convict a person, if they don't wish to do so.
As far as the state laws - there are certainly some that "appear" to
require a jury to judge a person based only on the law.  However, they
do not prohibit a person from judging the law, and finding the person
innocent because the jury feels the law does not apply in that particular case.

> [and so on, and so on; there is intense debate on a sporadic basis over this in misc.legal; the FAQ author is neither a lawyer nor willing to play one on the net.]

Other contrib. post:

>Also, a hundred years ago people simply didn't trust paper money.
 Oh, go on, it can't have been *that* long since A.J. Teel left the net.
ObUL: Geo. Washington trusted silver as far as he could throw it.
Lee "faith, hope, and cherry tree" Rudolph

Can be found in (among other places) alt.conspiracy and alt.activism; has a .sig about fifteen lines long that must be seen to be believed. Posts as ajteel@andronix.org (A. J. Teel, Sui Juris).


Contrib. post: Oh, my - how could I forget AFU's own personal contribution to the Loon list - BGJW, the quintessential McGill poster, who nevertheless managed to turn AFU into a BOT-war ravaged, large-killfile, bandwidth-wasting newscape for several weeks. I don't think any loon has achieved more indirect success and made so many people act so ridiculously than he has - not even Serdar and Robert McE. Dan "and all because of a simple, stupid little programming error - but that's a long story" Case --
 But like Phil said about B1FF, BGJW is most likely a troller.  You're right
about the end results, however.  Here's a note I got from 'BGJW' himself:
Date:        Mon, 27 Sep 93 17:14:54 EDT
From: "E. K. Yersh" 
Subject: RE: Re: Hi Everybody!
In article <27tsk6$4e8@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu> catstyle@gofish.aiss.uiuc.edu
>In article  v140pxgt@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu
>>In article <23SEP93.19288004.0136@VM1.MCGILL.CA>,
>>>Hi Everybody!
>>Or do I have to throw it out because it's from McGill?
>I'm almost 100% convinced that McGill is the creation of a really old hat,
>there's no other way to get this consistent throughput of stupidity from
>one site for so long...
>ObULSpreaderoftheDay:  Lewis Grizzard.  He may be funny as hell some of the
>time, but he tells many. many ULs as true stories.
>Jason R. Heimbaugh (CatStyle) jrh@uiuc.edu
>Two (unnamed) people on campus debugging telnetd code:
>"Oh, I'm missing a colon."
>"So is my aunt."
 Jason, listen up. I'll let you in on a theory of mine.
 My theory is that all these clueless messages are written by the same guy.
I think that there's really only one guy at McGill who posts on AFU. What I
think he does is that when he discovers terminals which students have used
but not logged off from he posts a message from their account and purposely
makes the content idiotic thereby feeding the impression that McGill is an
institution for boneheads.  He likely gets a kick from the reactions to the
messages and from knowing that he's been able to decieve even that higher
strain of humanity that is active on AFU.
 Your Pal: BGJW

stx1606 (Come on, I can't HEEEEEEAR you!):

Of alt.sex.bondage, talk.religion.misc, and alt.binaries.pictures.erotica; went from group to group trying to fan flames. Asked for non-consentual rape stories on alt.sex.bondage and then started to use the rape stories as proof that ASBer were not tough on Rape. He tried to get talk.religion.misc people involved in the fight. No one took the bait... He then proceeded to revive the "let's get the queer pictures off a.b.p.e by splitting it" flamewar for about two weeks. Quote: "I have been washed in the blood of the lamb and that stain will never come off!" Unable to recognize satire at .23 milimeters. Unable to buy a clue, unwilling to rent to own. Seems to have decomposed. The alt.syntax.tactical crowd (not based in a newsgroup, but who go from newsgroup to newsgroup trying to touch off massive flamewars) seems to be stx1606's spiritual heirs...

hshen; hollystone s. (An artificial (dis)intelligence project):

Contrib. post:
 One more is a person who posts vindictive and semi-coherent articles in
some sci.* groups -- I've seen him/her most often in sci.math. The name
field has been "S. Hollywood", "S. H.", and "S."; the username has at
times been "hshen", I think. I can't remember the sitename -- some uni-
versity in the western US, I think. This person was active within the
past couple of months, but I haven't seen anything from him/her just
lately -- maybe I'm not reading the "right" groups.

Charles Packer:

Contrib. post:
 A person who comes across to me as a borderline crank is Charles Packer,
who posts occasionally in various groups where current events are being
discussed. His bugbear is errors, or things that he thinks are errors,
in newspaper articles or photo-captions. He is entirely coherent and
sometimes the things he thinks must be errors really are, so maybe he's
just researching a book or something rather than being a crank; but it
looks to me as if his skepticism level is set a good deal too high. Again,
I can't remember his posting site -- probably somewhere in the New York
area, since the newspaper he most often cites is -- see below.
 Vast Engineering Works Accomplished in an Incredibly Short Time by Our
 Planetary Neighbors.            -- N.Y.Times headline, August 27, 1911

Ralph Taite (Walphie):

Contrib. post:
 What about Ralph(Walph/Waphie) Taite as a possible net.legend/loon??
He has completely taken over the likes of alt.feminism,soc.men,soc.women
and god knows what other groups..
Ah the hum of ^Walph is a Nazi^ , ^Walph rapes^ and similar subject
lines.. :)
> Is he the one (I think he was-he's a Texan) who believes women who have
>abortions should be drawn and quartered so they can understand how the fetus
>feels? No, wait-he believes that only women who have had more than one abortio
>should have that done (The rest should be executed normally).
In both cases, you're thinking of Ralph Taite at UT Austin, who was offering
firearms training for those who wanted to attack clinics, and who also made an
honorable run at net.loon status by urging people to write my admins and
demand that I be fired because I was using drugs (all this, of course, based
on some conveniently timed anonymous e-mail which has since conveniently been
forgotten by Ralph), but for some reason he never actually did so himself.

[Note that many people/loons crosspost incessantly between soc.men, soc.women, and alt.feminism; beware crossposting to these groups, as it can (but not necessarily will) touch off everlasting threads in your group fueled by cross-posters from these groups...]

Richard Schennberg:

Contrib. post:
 Pesters the alt.magic, alt.pagan, and talk.religion.christian groups (among
others) with his stories of satanic infiltration into the church. He is
convinced that a secret cabal of Mormon Freemasons (!) ruined his military
career and destroyed his marriage. He's been laughed off alt.magick and
alt.pagan, but is still infesting src. Posts as .

Joe Buehler:

Contrib. post:
 Don't see him much lately. 
     * The Catholic church was OK up until Vatican 2: the changes
since then were heretical. Clearly, Mass in anything but Latin is
a not good with God. If the Pope says it, it must be true...
     * The Spanish Inquisition was a Good Idea, since there were real
heretics out there...
     * Masons steal Holy Water and Consecrated Wafers from Catholic churches
(I haven't the foggiest idea what we're supposed to do with them).
 it would probably be inaccurate to have him
say 'anything the Pope says is true'.  Actually, in his view a number of
recent papal statements have been dangerously liberal.  I haven't seen
him about lately, though.

drieux (drieux, just drieux):

recently sighted xposted to a.r.k and alt.usenet.kooks... Contrib. post:
 He was sort of like McElwaine, only he parodied himself; he posted
wacked-out conspiracy rants accusing people of being part of the
GreatEvilSatanicOxygenCartelConspiracy or something to that effect. Is he
still existent?
 As a sometime correspondent of "drieux just drieux", I'd like to think
he was not a parody (much less an ex-parody).  A luminous and eccentric
writer, yes.  But I'd rather have him on my team than most.
 ummm... are you trying to imply that the
is not real?  Next you'll be tryuing to tell me that
KableTV is not a conspiracy!
(I'm only paranoid because I know too much)
Castle Wetware's resident Philosopher and Sniper is still
'out there' in all senses of the word.
just don't get into dueling references with him.
He'll push your buttons just to watch you jump.
ps - it rhymes with true.
 drieux is a real person and he's easily reached--I just called the
NASA Ames operator and she put me through to his office.  He wasn't
there, though, because he works second shift.  Of course, this only
works if you know his real name.
 Drieux is still around. He used to do incredibly horrible things for the CIA,
and Curtis Yarvin (as in the day) claims to have met him.

Haunts talk.bizarre ... Posts from drieux@{vladimir.}wetware.com (drieux, just drieux).

Bob Webber:

At one time, Bob Webber claimed to read (regularly) every news-article in existence. Quite probably he no longer does this (simply because it's not humanly possible and hasn't been for Some Time), but this does qualify him for inclusion as a genuine net.legend... Has said that even up to just before the Great Renaming he was still reading almost every newsgroup, though no longer every article. Posted from (probably) @porthos.rutgers.edu .

John Covici:

reposts Lyndon LaRouche stuff, coordinates the Larouche mailing list. Contrib. post:
 Lyndon Larouche's mouthpiece on the net. Hard to tell what *he*
thinks (and I'm not sure I want to know), but keeps alt.activism up on
the latest ramblings of his mentor. These include (I'm not making this
up) a Zionist-KKK-Nazi-British-Mason-Apollonian conspiracy against
Western Civilization.
 He used to post LaRouchite propaganda from a site named
covici.com to some of the soc.culture groups.  He seemed to go off the air
about a year or so ago.  When alt.desert-storm was a going concern, he was
a frequent poster.  I, for one, do _not_ miss his rambling multi-hundred
line diatribes ...
John is still active on alt.activism (that bastion of rationality) where
he mostly posts Lyndon LaRouche's daily messages on an irregular basis.
He is also running a LaRouche mailing list, so that may be what is taking
up his time.
Last time I checked he was also quite prominent on talk.politics.soviet.

Posts as covici@ccs.covici.com (John Covici).

Carasso (I'M NUMBER 2!):

Roger David Carasso; reputedly the major popular artist of "xposted to *.test". Claims to be "FOUNDER OF THE INTERNET"; alt.sex.carasso and alt.sex.carasso.snuggles apparently existed at one time... Lives in L.A., reputedly married to BONNIE; GIFs are apparently available - ask him... Contrib. post:
Very amusing on the net, dull as dust in real life.
- I've had 4 accounts at Berkeley disabled and closed.  3 account, 2 times.
- I've had 1 account at gypsy's friend's site closed.
- I've had 2 accounts at USC disabled and closed. 1 three times.
- I then cracked 50 accounts at USC, where all business majors in summer
  school are given the password "summer" and 80& don't bother to change it.
- I've had 2 accounts at Netcom disabled and closed.  One twice.
- I've had 1 the turing.org site taken down because the sysadmin liked
  me and refused to close my account.
- I've had my best friend lose his account at UCLA because of my posts
  from there.
- I've made it so MIT doesn't allow anonymous logins anymore, after a
  rash of my posts.
- I got a new account yesterday, and within 10 minutes root was taking
  to me asking if I was "*the* roger david carasso", and disabled my
- There are several others, but I can't remember.
 CARASSO:  Probable record-holder for most accounts suspended on
Usenet.  Had student account at USC suspended three times for "abuse
of Usenet".  Netcom suspended his account once, reenabled it, then
axed it.  Got a new Netcom account in name of then-girlfriend (now
wife) Bonnie Houck (who is believed by some to be fictitious), which
also got suspended.  When at rdc@netcom.com, trolled bait on various
groups under various aliases (most notably Rachel Dafni Christy
["Wherever you go, there you are, so PARTY!"], Bob D. Crane, and
Rajagopalan Dsomething-or Cother ["Be one with the Bhagavan" or
something like that]).  Rabid anti-Arab/Muslim, creator of
alt.wanted.muslim.gay (among others).  Now posting from inference.com,
his actual workplace; since he has to tone down or face the wrath of
his boss (who is monitoring him), his posts are now somewhat tepid and
bland.  May have been coiner of catchphrase "I SEE A GREAT NEED".
Still posts to talk.bizarre, where he is either loathed or reluctantly admired.
 Brief disclaimer: I *was* monitoring Roger, but it ended up costing us
too much in snapped-off electrodes and chewed-through leather restraints.
There are others, but I can't remember them!
 dfqfrby@shoes.BELL-ATL.COM, jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu
& millerje@CS.ColoState.EDU all have personal archives of some of the best of
carasso, and probably the man himself does too

Posts as carasso@Inference.COM (d.r. carasso); this may change rapidly...

Max Borisoff, Larry Pearson, and alt.christnet (Christnet is *copyright*!):

Well. Where to begin? Two weeks of slowly-becoming-less-clueless attempts to create the alt.christnet hierarchy, first by Max, and then by Larry (apparently Max's sysadmin, and equally clueless to start with); several posts to alt.config (while ignoring email); a sudden insight, followed by *twelve* a.c.* newgroups; dawning realization that people from Outside Christnet.Org (located, apparently, in L.A.) were Posting In The Christnet.Org Newsgroups; attempts to make the groups moderated; vague legal threats; flame and counterflame (on alt.config *and* the alt.christnet.* groups, which had been swooped upon with great glee by several people who thunk: "Aha! A place to confront fundies!", Keith Cochran (q.v.) amongst them; the sudden appearance of Hansel Lee, and his equally quick disappearance when he a) made a threat while posting from his military computer and b) forgot there might be superiors lurking on alt.config; the final partial realization of the vastm^Hness that is Usenet by Max; and the creation (still slightly cluelessly) of the christnet.* hierarchy, and subsequent partially-successful rmgrouping of the alt.christnet hierarchy. All in all, about a month of More Fun Than Alt.Config Is Allowed To Be, and as good a Bad Example of Unbridled Altgroup Creation as we're ever likely to see... Post as Max.Borisoff@christnet.org and Larry.Pearson@christnet.org .

Stephen Eisenberg:

Contrib. post:
 recently nominated as a net.idiot on can.general and known for
his knee-jerk support of the Canadian government in the Teale/Homolka
trial ban AND his tendency to hysterically flame anyone who says anything
in the slightest bit negative about Canada or positive about the US
(especially in comparison to Canada). AFUers may remember him for his
"Photographer For Hire!" sig and the fact that he had absolutely no sense
of humor during that whole debate on Canada's lower rate of firearm death
vs. the US. And the fact that he's from McGill and definitely *not* under the
control of BGJW.

Stephen Grossman (The Paranoid Randroid):

Has "recently" been haunting the usual alt. group suspects (.activism, .conspiracy, etc.). Contrib. post:
 I've never corresponded with Stephen Grossman, but I've been in the same
room with him several times, and we worked on the same copy desk at
different eras; he occasionally writes letters to the editor which are
by no means identical to his net.postings -- if he makes it past the
nomination process, I could forward "fair use" quotations from a few of
those, maybe.

Scott Tai:

Contrib. post:
 I have followed *way too many* of these net.loon postings, and
I am finding it difficult to believe that no one has nominated Scott Tai.
Mr. Tai posts regularly to rec.org.mensa and to a variety of sci.*
newsgroups, using various accounts (some real, some not) and names
(including his latest, Sister Amy Tai, Instructor, St. Ann's Academy).
The primary purpose of his posts seems to be to argue with himself,
although agreeing with himself comes in a close second.

Michael Courtney:

Contrib. post:
>Does anyone have any of his legendary bits of wierdness from alt.atheism?
>His ramblings on The Queen of Heaven or even some of his (gasp!) poetry
>would be amusing. Or even the posts wherein he identified himself as God's
>Own Prophet(tm). I never bothered to save any of them, alas...
 I forgot to save that stuff, but I can certainly testify to the
existence of those posts.  When he first did the poetry, I asked him
in email why he was doing it, and his response was that he was attempting
to "get through to the people on alt.atheism".  His poetry was really
poor though, I rarely see worse stuff on rec.arts.poems.  You can
get his masterpiece paper via anonymous ftp.  I think it is on his
site at MIT.  :)  A few people even read it and it makes many of his
posts seem mild.
 As requested, here's a small sample of Michael Courtney's
posts to alt.atheism. Unfortunately, I don't have any of
his poetry, though perhaps someone else might.
 In fairness to Michael, he's definitely NOT a kook in
the sense of a Ludwig Plutonium. I think everyone on
a.a who remembers his first few posts would have to
agree that he genuinely seemed reasonable. He was
almost always pretty polite and cooperative, though
he'd occasionally dodge really uncomfortable challenges
to his fundamentalism. Understandable, I suppose, if
you ignore that the forum was a.a. Regardless, I
would have to say that Michael's credibility took a
serious nosedive after this post:
----begin quoted text----
>From michael@krypton.mit.edu Thu Jan 13 11:16:15 1994
Date: 15 Oct 1993 19:50:08 GMT
From: Michael Courtney 
Newsgroups: alt.atheism
Subject: abortion and prophec

yergeau@leland.Stanford.EDU (Dan Yergeau) writes:
>michael@krypton.mit.edu (Michael Courtney) writes:
>Please quote the verse where God calls it murder.  Your personal
>relationship with God and your private revelations from God are not
>admissible.  Don't put words into your god's mouth.  I don't think he
>would appreciate it.
 I have God's permission to call abortion murder.  I am a
prophet sent by God to declare the destruction of the United  States
because of abortion.
[more deletions; Michael provides some biblical basis for
his anti-abortion stance.]
 If either God did not exist, or abortion was not murder, God would not
be planning to bring the retribution on the United States  that he is
now planning.  Let me be specific in this prophecy.  This is what the Lord
has said:
 Within 40 years the following things will happen:
 1. The United States will cease to be governed as set forth in the
Constitution.  The United States will also cease to enjoy the freedom
it declared for itself in the Declaration of Independence.
 2.  The blood of our young men will be poured out into th  streets,
for the Lord is a God of retribution.  Millions of Americans will die
on American soil in fulfillment of the Scriptures:
 If a man sheds blood, by man shall his blood be shed.
 Atonement cannot be made for land on which blood has been shed,
except by the blood of the one who shed it.
 3. A dragon will rip open the pregnant women of the United States.
 4. This prophecy is unconditional.  No repentance can stop it.  Nothing
can stop what God has decided to do.
 God is not mocked, we will reap what we have sown.
 That's all of the prophecy, but I will add that if you are still alive
when it happens there is still forgiveness for your sins through Jesus Christ.
Michael Courtney    |Reply by email if you really want an answer to a question
michael@amo.mit.edu |about something in this post.  I do consider flames,
                    |mocking or obscenity to be indications that you are not
                    |asking honest questions. P.S. I have the FAQ's.
----end quoted text----
 Understandably, many on a.a were a bit skeptical that the
Christian God would intervene as described above.

Posts as michael@amo.mit.edu (Michael Courtney).

Captain Sarcastic (Oh how lovely):

Contrib. post:
>From: kkoller@nyx10.cs.du.edu (Captain Sarcastic)
>No, I am most definately not joking.
>I plan on transcending Kibo in net.awareness, and this is but the
>first step in my campaign.
 To do this, all he needs is a heart, a spleen, and a brain..
and a spelling-checker.
>Power corrupts, but absolute power is kinda neat.
 "Captain Sarcastic" must be another of the net.AIs - what human being
would be caught posting "Captain Sarcastic" crap?  Mr. Ediger, please
add "Captain Sarcastic" to the net.nuts list, with 'delusions of grandeur'
as the diagnosis.

Update: he's now got 12 regular posters to alt.captain.sarcastic, and is gaining fast on Kibo's 29,000 ... and is optimistic... He's also claimed that the "$2 bill almost thought to be intrinsically counterfeit at Taco Bell" story happened to him, on several occasions. Update update (7/94): up to 190 posts/month, beating out fnet.general and alt.fan.enya ... Posts as kkoller@nyx10.cs.du.edu (Captain Sarcastic).

Monica (Net.goddess):

Contrib. post:
 Maybe I'm late with this one, but how about Monica, the
Korean girl who was on the net one year, created a big
following, then went home to enter a nunnery, never to
see the Internet again.  Any data?
 Check out the FAQ in alt.religion.monica. Note that although
Monica herself is treated as a saint by her following (she
may well be), the group is almost entirely Korean.  But, if
we're going to worry about offending someone, we'd might as well
not have the list at all, right?

A minifaq on Monica is available.

Anthony Lest & Nabeel A. Rana

(Rana is Rana, and Lest is Lest, and Lest is not Rana.): Contrib. post:
>Then there's Anthony Lest, who took a massively controversial vote and
>yet never existed - "Rana is Rana, and Lest is Lest, and Lest is not
>Rana." (which was apparently the soc.religion(.islam).ahmadiyya(h) vote,
>which is due up again anytime now)...
 Rana definitely deserves a mention. After massive flaming and vote
fraud on "soc.religion.islam.ahmadiyya", he said a "friend" of his
would take the vote. After the vote, people began complaining that
their no votes weren't counted. Lest seemed to disappear, and turned
out never to have existed! Even better, they found out that Lest
always seemed to be logged in at the same time, and from the same
machine, as Rana.

Rana is still around, and recently asked on alt.config about how to send a newgroup message... posts from rana@rintintin.Colorado.EDU (Nabeel A. Rana).

IdEAL Order Psychic TV (clever satire):

A, um, piece of experimental satire by Jeff Harrington and Elsie Russell. See the minifaq for extreme details...


Contrib. post:
 But my real vote goes to Bobby Mozumder, one who
was far more persistent than Michael Courtney (q.v.) on alt.atheism, and
came up with a bunch of real gems. Many people even grabbed stuff of his for
sig material.
 He is the author of the theory that no true follower (tm) of
Islam can ever do any evil.  He came up with the theory of
temporary atheism to explain away problems presented.
Famous for quoting entire articles to add a few lines
(like another kook famous to alt.atheism, Bill Conner),
he tends to flee for a few months only to come back and
cause the traffic to double on the religious newsgroups
he frequents.  Also famous for the famous line that
atheism causes child prostitution in Tibet, as
well as the idea that all atheists are evil.  bobbe@vice.???.edu?
Got himself a second account when too many people learned
how to put him in a kill file.  Always uses S. N. Mozumder as
the real name (as far as I've seen).  Common nicknames
include Blooby, B.M.  Currently has left alt.atheism for
(he claims) other religious newsgroups, but I have
not seen any reports of him.
 Not quite. Booby is the _usual_ nickname for Mozumder, but I decided to come
up with "Blobby" the first time I flamed him on a.a.
 I can understand the reference to the dreaded Bill Conner, but I didn't notice
much of anything concerning the equally deserving Michael Coutney. Hmmm...
Don't forget his infamous "Atheism is what I say it is and you're an evil
atheist especially if you call me on it" rag.
 S.N. "Bobby" Mozumder, Islamic proselytizer to alt.atheism.
Noteworthy for his complete inability to listen to what anybody said.
Posted articles with titles like "WHY ATHEISM SUPPORTS CHILD
MOLESTING".  Typical quotes from my file:
"Still, you have to be brainwashed by atheism to think you have morals."
"It is purely a mental problem that can be corrected when Islam is applied."

Posted as snm6394@ultb.isc.rit.edu (Bobby Mozumder).

The High:

Contrib. post:
 The High was three brothers who came on the net in October ['93] and started
posting their bizarre conviction that Marvel and DC comics were to merge
("The papers are signed!") to alt.comics.superman, rec.arts.comics.misc
and rec.arts.comics.xbooks.  We're 95% certain that was bait, but...
The High also get marks for forging return paths, flaming anyone who
tried to suggest that a major reorganisation of the comics industry
might *just* have been in the trade press, and for setting follow-ups
to alt.desert.toppings, alt.fan.ketchup and other non-existent news groups.
They signed all their messages "Love and oodles, The High."  Towards the
end of their career, they stated trying to clog up racm with one-line
posts about Casper the Friendly Ghost.
 They were so hated by the rest of the newsgroup that they got kicked off
the net within one month of getting on, after an avalanche of complaints
went to their postmaster. For now, the High are dormant, but apparently
they're getting their net access back in the spring [of '94].
 There was also a guy calling himself The High II who claimed kicking the
High off was censorship, and started posting apparently serious messages
in the High's style as a tribute, but he gave up after a couple of weeks
when he realised nobody was flaming him.
 (BTW, the High is *not* the same person as racm regular Matthew High.)
Just thought he might qualify, for one of the shortest and most
incendiary net careers, if nothing else.

"Mark Ethan Smith" (Don't call me "miss"):

Contrib. post: [edited for pronouns]
 Hung out (no pun intended) in soc.women back in 1987-88. Passionately
believed that society was a man's world and that women were treated
as hopeless inferiors. Responded to all male posters by feminizing
their names in the hopes that they would feel the shame that the
English language imposes on women by having gender-specific words.
Was particularly fond of the word "diminutive." (All female-specific
words were diminutives.) Changed his name, reported from Susan, to
MES in hopes that men would see the typically-male name, assume that
he was a man and therefore not patronize him as an inferior woman.
Insisted upon using only men's restrooms. Seemed to have tremendous
inferiority complex on account of being born female. May have been
involved in the comp.women debate.
 I vaguely remember "Mr. Smith".  He posted to soc.feminism/soc.women
(possibly to some ancestor of these newsgroups as well).  The story was that
despite having two "X" chromosomes; he preferred to be called "mister" and in
all other ways to be treated as a man.  May have had his name legally
changed to "Mark" (from whatever it was originally).  He also claimed to
have worked for one of the armed services(?) and had gotten them to legally
treat him as a man rather then a woman.  I haven't seen any postings from
him in years, but then again I haven't regularly read any of the soc.*
groups in years either.  I don't think he is/was as 'unusual' as many more
recent legends; but probably deserves a mention.  Perhaps USENET was just a
quieter place in those days...
 "Mark Smith" was an annoyance outside Usenet as well; "he" (as the individual
insisted on being referred to) or "it" (as we liked to refer to the individual)
was an unwelcome visitor to a public-access Unix system called M-Net, in
Ann Arbor, during 1986 and 1987.  Smith said all of the wonderful things
other posters have mentioned, and used the loginid "reason" -- the same login
"it" apparently used on the Well.
 I vaguely recall that Smith harassed one M-Net user by mail and, perhaps,
voice phone to some extent.
-- Other than this "quirk" of Mr. Smith's, I also remember him to have an itchy 'f'-finger as well as the requisite desire to post massive flames. Additionally, I have vague recollections of a) threatened lawsuits and b) accusations of conspiracy. In general, most of the colorful net.personalities of 1986-1988 no longer seem to be with us, or at least keep a much lower profile. --
 Ah, Mark Ethan Smith! Now we're talking net.legend.
 Back in 1989 when alt.flame was newborn, and only had a fifth of the traffic
it has now, a certain Mark Ethan Smith entered the scene, and flamed absolutely
everyone. This spread to almost every newsgroup imaginable, and rumour has it
that "Mark E Smith" had up to 50 flamewars going -at once. The poster turned
out to be female, and her access was revoked because she was violating the fair
use policy... Strangely, some months later "Mark Smith" resurfaced in alt.flame
and talk.bizarre, and people feared for another round.  Luckily, this was an
altogether more pleasant Mark Smith, completely unrelated to the legendary
spewer. This "new" Mark Smith wrote some very entertaining flames until mid
1992. But all this is legend, like Gene Spafford, Kent Paul Dolan, Patricia
O Tuama (Trish) etc.
>On the other hand, I guess I'm as glad as anyone that she's not a regular.
>Does anyone know what became of her?  (I ask, peeking through my fingers
>in case it turns out I'd really rather not know).
 The last I heard, which had to have been at least a year ago and
probably more like two, was that she was working in a copy shop in
Berkeley and seemed to be very happy and competent.  I retain a vague
memory that she was managing the shop, but am not entirely sure that
this is correct.

Posted as era1987@*.berkeley.edu (Mark Ethan Smith).


Contrib. post:
 The defender of the oppressed, McElroy has taken it upon himself to be
the press agent of various freedom fighters around the world, but
especially the Irish Republican Army. He spends his time uploading press
releases to soc.culture.celtic, often starting threads which use up to 50%
of the group's bandwidth. His posts may appear to be flame bait, but he
almost never enters into a discussion on the contents. He has accused some
British sites of censorship when he heard rumours that his posts were not
being distributed there (the rumours appear to be false).

Posts from MCELROY@zodiac.rutgers.edu

Jym Dyer (=o=):

Notable mostly for his unique posting style and paragraph-starting markers, which are usually =o= but sometimes go =/= =\=; has been known to use ASCII illuminated letters in their place. Signs himself <_Jym_>. Posts as jym@remarque.berkeley.edu (Jym Dyer). <[>

Peter Plantec (Am I *really* a troll?):

Short answer: yes. Probably saw Ted Frank's entry and decided a.f.u needed a resident loon... Claimed to be dyslexic to cover his spelling errors; posted wild claims to alt.folklore.urban and other places. Needed a bit of work on his trolling technique, but had name-dropping down pat. Posted as pplante@netcom.com (P. Plantec).

Clayton E. Cramer (Homosexual men often have that many in a week):

Contrib. post:
 Clayton seems to have made it his personal crusade to move into
relatively sane groups and turn them into stinking hells of political
flame by starting an anti-homosexual flame war.
Try ca.politics, ba.politics or *.politics.* groups. A sample:
#Newsgroups: ba.politics,ca.politics
#From: cramer@optilink.dsccc.com (Clayton Cramer)
#Subject: Re: Which comes first?
#Distribution: ba
#George Lambert  wrote:
#>cramer@optilink.dsccc.com (Clayton Cramer) writes:
###Because "monogamy" for many gay men means they come home to the
###same guy after a long night of anonymous sex at the bars.  I have
###a few postings from soc.motss that refer to being married, yet
###then talk about disappointing sexual experiences out at the bars.
##Just like heaps of straight men and women, Clayton.  Wanna take on the
##straight crowd now?
#As usual, you are wrong.  The average lifetime number of sexual
#partners for Americans is around seven.  Homosexual men often have
#that many in a week.

Has recently been sighted on soc.history... Posts as cramer@optilink.{UUCP|dsccc.com} (Clayton Cramer).

Philip H. Stromer:

Contrib. post:
 He was another hate-filled bigot who posted rants about homosexuality.
He became obsessed with the idea that anal sex would wear out the
muscles of the digestive tract, causing incontinence; he also posted
long gloating messages about "AIDS-infested faggots".
 Eventually, Sun Microsystems fired him for breach of contract, for
posting messages which were intimidating and harassing to other
employees.  He sued them, and lost.  Appeared again from some
commercial site or other, but soon sunk out of view.
 A salutory lesson to those who believe that the Internet is a license
to spew bigotry.
 Oh yeah. I've read this clown's rantings from time to time, and the one
thing that occurs to me is that he and little Danny Karnes may be the same
person. This isn't a _claim_ that they are, mind you, but you'd hardly
know any better from their posts.
 (from the Business section of the San Jose Mercury News,
Friday, July 31, 1992)
"Email epithets spark Sun lawsuit" by Brandon Bailey
 By his own admission, Philip Stromer liked to push the
boundaries of good taste when he sent out jokes and
political statements on his employer's electronic mail network.
 But according to a lawsuit filed this week in Santa
Clara County Superior Court, Stromer pushed too far.
 The 32-year-old technical writer says he was fired by
Sun Microsystems in April after he sent a series of
email messages that were anything but politically correct.
 The messages were posted on an electronic bulletin
board used by Sun workers to exchange jokes and
running commentary on a variety of topcis unrelated to their jobs.
 "I was just trying to make conversation," Stromer
said in an interview.  "I would normally take whatever position was unpopular."
 His electronic broadsides ranged from pro-Israel
and anti-abortion arguments to jokes about AIDS
and graphic epithets about gays.  Eventually he
signed on to a nationwide computer network using
his terminal at Sun and typed what he described
as "some very extremely nasty stuff" on a bulletin
board used primarily to exchange sarcastic insults and vitriolic humor.
 A Sun spokeswoman said the company would not comment.
 The case raises interesting questions about the
increasing popularity of electronic bulletin
boards and message systems on which users can
type all kinds of outrageous statements without
having to look their audience in the eye.  Stromer
says he always signed his own name to his messages
and never meant to threaten anyone personally.
But several legal experts say that anti-discrimination
laws require management to step in when employees
create an atmosphere that is hostile or intimidating to any group.
 "An occasional joke, maybe," said Patricia Shiu, staff
attorney at the non-profit Employment Law Center in
San Francisco.  "But if an employer (allows) that kind
of thing repeatedly, he exposes himself to liability
for allowing a discriminatory environment."
 In his lawsuit, Stromer claims his bosses violated his
right to free expression.  He said he was just trying
to liven up the conversations that Sun employees routinely
conduct on a variety of email bulletin boards.  And he
compared himself with comedian Lenny Bruce.  (Stromer
said he had been scolded before but he drew his first
written reprimand from Sun for a joke about AIDS and
Magic Johnson, and another about AIDS and anal sex.)
"This type of exchange... is deemed by Sun management
to show poor judgment and blatant disregard for the
feelings of coworkers," said the reprimand.
 By Stromer's account, he was fired after he used his
work computer to hurl messages including graphic epithets
at gays across a national network.  The network automatically
identified the messages as coming from a Sun computer.
 Stromer is acting as his own attorney.  He said he sought
help from the American Civil Liberties Union and a
conservative foundation but both told him his employer
had a right to regulate his speech on company computers.
= = =
[Typed in by sf at dec and reposted w/o his permission, which is why
I'm leaving his name off / JBL]
 Aha. So _that's_ the reason he ceased to infest alt.flame! I just thought that
his net access had been stripped, like a kook of a different stripe (I'm
referring to the dreaded David J. Rasmussen, of course), but I probably
just ran into his post-Sun output instead.
One does wonder how working for a company justifies the posting of such
crapola via a system the company owns. Ah well...

Douglas Bell (SPACE BANG! [ !]):

Posts promos for his Wonderful SF Series to rec.arts.sf.written and several other places. Has no sense of plot, editing, storyline, or what will attract readers. Has no clue, and resists all attempts to force one on him. Doesn't listen to criticism - the sure sign of a never-to-be-published-and-never-to- know-why writer... Has shown signs recently of possessing a slight sense of humor though. Contrib. post:
I'd like to apologize in advance...
Douglas K. Bell  wrote:
)Ever enjoyed an SF series so much you couldn't wait to get the next book?!
YES!  I can't wait for the next Xanth novel!!!!!!
)Hi, I'm Doug Bell !
Hi, I'm Scott Drellishak, SPACE BANG!
)I've written a series of 6 books about INFINITY CITY, an incredible world
)in a black hole and the adventurers of its exciting people.
Who would have believe that time dilation and death-by-tides could be SO MUCH
FUN?  Being crushed down to an infinitely dense point is the hoot of a lifetime
)I'm amazed at how much you all are enjoying the stories!
So am I. It's amazing to realize how much I can enjoy a story I've
NEVER READ! We're *all* waiting in anticipation for you to tell us what
our next opinion should be!
)Thanks for all your email support and comments!
)In the first book - "VAN GOGH IN SPACE" - an adventurer brings
)Vincent Van Gogh back from the ancient past to INFINITY CITY where he
)meets the "kind" of woman that has always caused him trouble...
...and the WACKY FUN never stops!  (btw, I like the way you use
"quotes" around the word "kind" -- this subtly but clearly lets "us"
know that SOMETHING "WITTY" THIS WAY "COMES"! [nudge, nudge])
)If you want an email   > > > >  F R E E   C O P Y   < < < <  of BOOK #1,
) just email me!
(W H Y   A R E   W E   S H O U T I N G?)
)The rest of the series is free by email, too!
And worth every penny!
)You'll enjoy them all!
It's MANDATORY!  Just imagine what would happen to Doug's ego if you didn't!
)Writing this series over the years has been a sheer joy.
Here, have a tissue...
)(I'm already
)well into book#7 - WASHINGTON & MOZART IN SPACE).
I can hardly wait for book#8 -- I suggest HITLER & EVA IN SPACE.  Or,
)Best of all, people
)have as much fun reading the books as I do writing them!
It's true because Doug tells you it's true!  And uses exclamation
points to prove it!
)Doug Bell, Pleasanton, California USA
)Recent feedback:
(which has appeared in the last 3 months' posts)...
)"Book six was fantastic! Loss, gain, mystery, and now
)the start of a war! I think you have just reached "Epic" proportions with
)this series of novels. I am really enjoying them.
) It has been great reading your stuff..."            - Joshua R. Nelson
I agree!  And when Josh and I get out of high school, we're going to
grow up to be JUST LIKE DOUG!
Oy. Posts as dougbell@netcom.com (Douglas K. Bell).

Lt. Wilkes (My brain will be back in December:)

Perennial alt.slack/alt.religion.kibology poster. Maintains that his brain and body are in two separate places, and that one of them recently visited Pluto for reasons having to do with the Fungi from Yuggoth; not a loon, but does a darn good imitation of one, and is extremely fun to watch. A candidate for the new Kibo (don't ask...) [he lost, by the way]. Responsible for the Don't Let Lieutenant Wilkes Breed Society of alt.slack and alt.discordia, which has apparently failed in its purpose, due to the Lt.'s new girl(?)friend jack [no it's not short for jackie]. Unfortunately, jack seems to have disappeared back into the Vague Morass Of Short-lived Usenet Posters. Used to post from delphi.com (being one of its two saving virtues at that time); now posts as ltwilkes@netcom.com (Lt. Wilkes).

Hoyt Stearns (Since space is quantized into units of 45.58nm,...):

from sci.physics, proponent of "larsonian physics", which seems to think space and time are quantized, and that the universe is 3D and Euclidean... Posts to s.p & alt.sci.physics.new-theories, with followups to sci.physics or sci.astro (to reap the ensuing flamewar) [deponent got caught this way once... grrrr]. Definitely a loon. Posts as hoyt@isus.UUCP (Hoyt A. Stearns jr.).

David de Hilster ("special relativity does not apply to decays"):

Another classic crackpot (again, in the scientific sense). Posts to alt.sci.physics.new-theories about Autodynamics, a theory which is supposed to explain particle decays without invoking neutrinos; unfortunately, this can't be done without violating momentum conservation, and David tries to get around this by invoking a different kinetic energy equation and energy imparted from an "external medium". Is also against the neutrino detection from the supernova at Kamiokande. Autodynamics is apparently a creation of a Dr. Carezani; David has at least one supporter at his site (Amnon Meyers). Posts as David de Hilster .

Suzanne Forgach:

Contrib. posts:
 And, since there is a distinct lack of female kooks (even fewer than
one would expect from the low proportion of female posters) I think
Suzanne Fogarch (sp?) should be added. She's the only person I
remember seeing post something positive about Jesse Helms. Even the
right wing nutters that abound on the net find him an embarassment.

A talk.abortion regular. I've never seen Ms. Forgach, though I did have an office down the hall from her at NOAO for a while. A 'w' on the computer she was logged into would always show 'vn talk.abortion'... I suspect 'prolific' might be a more accurate tag than 'kook'.

 I remember Suzanne Forgach from way back in the dark days when I used
to post to talk.abortion. (I got better.) I don't know if she's
still kicking around, or if she was or is known on other groups.
I'm not sure if she really qualifies as a loon. Her postings
reflected highly conservative, religious beliefs, but being on the
right wing isn't an instant ticket to the insane asylum. She tended
to completely ignore logic when arguing (I vaguely recall that she
once tried to argue that homosexuality was wrong because other animals
didn't do it, and then when contradicted, turned around and accused
people of trying to justify homosexuality by saying that other animals
did it), but talk.abortion has never been a particularly rational
debating club.
 If you've ever seen any posts by Steve Chaney, Ralph Taite or David J.
Rassmussen on t.a., you'll know how obvious a statement this is. Ugh.
 Wait ... is she the one who tried to insist that her views
were backed by science, claiming support from a PhD in
astro, until someone actually checked her credentials?
 Back from the dim mists of time when I once frequented talk.abortion
along with an excess-O and a lamented late friend (using the same
monicker), I remember well Suzanne "A circle has two sides!" Forgach.
However, I doubt if she counts as a loon.  If anything, she is just
someone who have an interesting definition of "logic".  Good for a
chuckle from time to time, and I remember that the joke above was in
reference to an incident in which she said that a circle obviously has
two sides, since there is an inside and an outside!  She always draws
fire from the high-temperature flamers of talk.abortion, although not
all of them flame so well.  Amusing, sometimes ("When my cat coughs up
a hairball it makes a 'Forgach' sound." .... James Purdon), but mostly
out of proportion to what Suzanne deserves.  She even had a sense of
humour, I realised once with a shock ("To drieux: .......... with
great loathing, Sieuxanne Forgach").
 Forgach is still her usual cheerful self,
though I tend to agree with you she's not a loon -- she's just brimming with
plain hatred for a lot of people.  (You may remember her comment about women
who have pre-marital sex being lower than prostitutes, which comment I took
issue with.)
 Well, she's certainly not as crazy as our dear friend Michael Courtney, but
her views tend to be so fanatically pro-Catholic that she even has little
(if any) time for rational discourse with Protestants such as Steve Adams
when discussing one of her favorite bugaboos. I'm referring to differences
in theological outlook, of course.

Mark V. Shaney:

Contrib. post:
 Do you have MVS (Mark V. Shaney) in your list?  MVS dates back to about
1985, and was probably the first of the "automated posters" on Usenet.  It
would take postings from net.singles and generate new postings by combining
sentence fragments in almost-understandable ways, by using Markov Chain
techniques.  (Note the similarity between Mark V. Shaney and Markov Chain.)
It was written up in the Mathematical Games section of Scientific American a
few years ago.

Sean P. `Bandwidth' Ryan:

has his own alt.flame.* group. Jumps into the middle of flamewars, generally without checking the waters first... Contrib. post (one guess as to whom it's from):
>alt.flame.sean-ryan: The first .flame group to be named after a
>net.personality (though not the first flame group).  Created by Eric
>Olson (though forged in my name) in response to an ongoing flame war
>which had been going on for the previous nine months in the local
>newsgroup ua.flame.  Specifically, I challenged Eric on the fact that
>he only pretended to be a news administrator but actually wasn't, when
>some people were insisting that I be given my own ua.* group but weren't
>able to do anything about it.
Posts as fsspr@camelot.acf-lab.alaska.edu (Sean P. Ryan).


From rec.arts.comics.misc. Contrib. post:
 Doesn't crosspost. Also doesn't post much, but when he _does_ post you
tend to see 50+ articles all at once, with subjects all in caps. Most of
the time, he follows up to long-since-dead threads. He's famous for
threatening to physically maim a well-respected RACM member, and commonly
follows up to articles from that member by posting insults. At this point
in time, he mostly gets ignored by the folks on RACM.

Richard Sexton:

Contrib. post:
 So how could you forget Richard Sexton, the guy who created sci.aquaria,
rec.aquaria and alt.aquaria?
 The Net is full of nasty group creation fights.  I was hoping this
wouldn't turn into one.  Bear with me, it has applicability to this
fracas, while I reminisce about one of my favorites: the aquarium
reorg about 5 years ago [1989]. In the beginning there was only alt.aquaria.
Some sites didn't (and still don't) carry the alt hierarchy and the
group was up to some 40 postings a day, so it was felt that it should
be placed under a more mainstream hierarchy.
 To make a long, bitter story short, 99% of the folks thought
rec.aquaria was a good idea but there was this one guy in particular
who just couldn't abide the thought that his endeavor was a mere
recreational hobby; no, his was a scientific persuit of Truth and only
sci.aquaria would suffice.  When his vote was shot down a jillion to
one against (he never resorted to vote stacking) he still created his
pet group because, after all, anybody can do so.
 Thus, three aquarium groups exist today.  Alt never dried up the way
it was supposed to and carries about half the ~100 aquarium
postings/day, rec carries the other half.  Some people broadcast their
postings to both alt and rec and occasionally even to sci as well but
the amount of original traffic on sci is, oh, 2 postings a week.
[Sexton says:] I dropped off the net 3 years ago after being on for about 4
years and I noticed it was slanted very much in favour of recent events
and a lot of what happened "in my day" has been forgotten already.
 Anyway, I've updated (corrected) a few entries. Use them if you want,
ignore them if you must, do what you will.
 If you have any questions about any of the older ones I have a pretty
good memory about that period.
 I can't believe Peter "duh" Silva is one of the "good" guys. Amazing. Oh well.
[and adds to/updates the above post - after all, he should know:]
 Noticing that there was no newsgroup for tropical fish wackos, Sexton
posted to rec.pets and got 2 responses in 6 months (one of which was "get
those fish out of here") and so proposed a newsgroup for aquaria. The
vote failed by a 10% margin, so Bob Webber (see above) created alt.aquaria.
Some sites didn't (and still don't) carry the alt hierarchy and the group
was up to some 40 postings a day, but was not being propagated to Europe
where the *really good stuff* in aquaria was going on.
 At around this time a vote for sci.military was held by Bill Thacker and
passed, and Sexton concluded that if killing people was a science then so was
keeping tropical fish; besides, sci.aquaria would make it to Europe. He
followed the newsgroup creation guidelines, but they were unfortunately
broken, as the guidelines said a discussion had to be held for two weeks,
and it was, and the popular opinion was a zillion to 6 against. However it
turned out the discussion phase was non-binding, so he went ahead and called
the vote. Sexton had a lot of friends and they forged more yes votes than the
detractors forged no votes. Since all the forgers were members of the
old backbone cabal, the forgeries were rather skillfully done and never
detected [until now, that is...].
 Seen by many as a debacle, and as a testament to the integrity of Gene
Spafford (q.v.) (who took care of these things at the time) the group was
created, although many sites either refused to honor the newgroup or aliased
it to one of the other *.aquaria groups. Since the vote was at the time the
largest in the history of usenet (938 to 727 in favour) the newsgroup
creation rules were changed and the 2/3 majority rule was added, among others.
 This developed into a reputation for initiating newsgroups that
nobody thought were a good idea, but somehow managed to pass a vote
anyway, such as comp.fonts and alt.restaurants (although a vote was not
strictly required in alt, it was almost universally though of as a bad
idea; it was created anyway, and later made into a rec group).
 Sexton created alt.prose, and was disgusted when he found out it was
for poetry, not prostitutes.
 Did not invent, but popularized, the practice of cross-posting to
misc.test, to see if people were awake. They generally weren't.
 Was also responsible, rather indirectly, for all the alt.sex groups. In
1988, Sexton was showing Ralph Freidenberger how to post to usenet, as
all Ralph knew how to do was follow-up posting. Sexton posted the
message "I propose the newsfroup rec.fucking" to talk.bizarre with
a local distribution. It should have stayed on the machine gryphon.com,
but like so many of Sexton's posts there was a spelling error [I've cleaned
those up here, says the FAQ-person]. Unfortunately the spelling error was in
the "Distribution: local" header line, so the posting was sent out all over
the world. This resulted in two things happening: first, other people thought
rec.fucking would be a really good newsgroup, although the name should
probably be changed to rec.sex, and second, the word "newsfroup" became part
of the UseNet vernacular for apparently no good reason. The vote for
rec.sex passed, but it was one of those groups (like
comp.protocols.tcp-ip.eniac, which was proposed by Bob Webber as a
"mainstream" talk.bizarre to accomodate Roger Carasso when he got his first
account removed by UCLA) that the backbone refused to carry it. Brian Reid
thus created alt.sex, and since there already was an alt.drugs, Reid also
created alt.rock-n-roll to complete the triumvirate.
 Sexton also contributed the phrase *plonk* to the UseNet vernacular,
as the sound of a person's name being dropped into his killfile.
 He used to post as richard@gryphon.com until gryphon and its owner
died in 1990. He then surfaced for a while as phoboe@ccicpg.UUCP (Ned Phoboe)
and later was traded by the Los Angeles Cabal in a second round draft
choice, along with Bob Webber of New Jersey, to Canada in exchange
for Brad Templeton of Waterloo, who is now in California, in 1990.

He can be reached these days at richard@panchax.gryphon.com (Richard Sexton).

Frank Schaffer:

Contrib. post:
 A local loon is Frank Schaffer. Also known as Promillo. Among his merits
are a .sig displaying an Iron Cross and a firing tank. He posts only to
German newsgroups, such as de.soc.politik, de.soc verkehr (about traffic),
and soc.culture german. His views are that of the reactionary right with
special contempt for anyone who could impose a speed limit on an autobahn.
He is also noted for using the proof by news headlines. Interestingly,
examining the whole message ends up supporting the view of the other side.
Never follows up to debunking, of course.
 His views and the story of his life have an uncanny resemblance to those
of a fictional character, "Diederich Hessling", in a novel by Heinrich Mann.

Posts from promillo@rbg.informatik.th-darmstadt.de .

Rich Holmes (mcmxciibo):

One of the Inner Circle on alt.fan.warlord; notable for his derivative-Kibo middle name and for his rapier wit, as well as for being able to stuff into a 4x80 .sig *all* of the following common Blechy .Sig Fillers Used By The Clueless (as a response, apparently, to Neil "YoYo" Pawson's saying it couldn't be done): one badly-drawn ASCII Bart simpson, a sword, a Kibo number, the Vicki Robinson .sig virus, a badly-drawn ASCII map of Australia (with Perth helpfully indicated), an ASCII bicyclist, a rose, an Amiga check, a fnord, a Rush quote, an obscure quote, lots of asterisks, no less than *10* borders, and what appears to be a WordPerfect reference. Unfortunately, this leaves no room for Captain Whitespace to visit... uses it pretty much solely on alt.fan.warlord (q.v.) though. Also legendary for being two or three of the most frequent posters to the Morris Dance mailing list, under various addresses (which led to a rumor that *everyone* there was him, and a "not Rich Holmes" .sig virus). Posts as rsholmes@gamera.syr.EDU (Rich 'mcmxciibo' Holmes); look for it in the headers 'cuz there might be no room for it in the .sig ...

Even Steven on alt.sex.bondage.

Contrib. post:
 Even Steven has been posting lengthy arguments to a.s.b to the effect that
all dominance/submission relationships are BAD and WRONG.  He has mangled
Noam Chomsky's concept of "Manufacturing Consent" (which argues that since
Americans get skewed information on world events from the mass media, their
'consent' to the policies of their government is questionable) to mean that
anyone's consent to any act may have been manufactured; specifically, that
submissives consent to enter dom/sub relationships can never be 'genuine'.
Submissives have argued with him at length, saying that they have freely
chosen to live the lives they lead, to no avail.

Rants on the subject; not *immediately* obvious that something's a bit off, but observation over time leads one to this conclusion, I'm told. A minifaq is available. Posts as an6141@anon.penet.fi (Even Steven).

Charles Newman (alt.fan.nicole.bobeck is *my* group, *miiiiine*!):

Infests rec.skate; newgroups badly named alt groups for figure skaters and cancels people's posts in "his" groups, notably the FAQ on killfiles posted to rec.skate by tweek@netcom.com . A John Palmer (q.v.) wannabe. Responsible for the life and death of alt.fan.cristi.yamaguchi(i) ... Also under the impression that a) one *must* be "root" in order to forge mail or news on a Unix system and b) there is a "delgroup" command that's applicable to Usenet... Posts as newman@netcom.com (Charles Newman) [at present].

Bob Rahe ("Threat to USEnet"):

Contrib. post:
 One person I think deserves a mention in a list of net.loons is Mr. Bob
Rahe. He popped up on alt.fan.dan-quayle over last summer ['93], with a sig
file that read 'Save whales and kill babies? Don't Liberals just kill
you', and every one of his posts went on about how abortion was horrible,
even if the subject had only been mentioned in passing.
 This prompted a memorable post from his sysadmin, with the subject: line
reading 'Bob Rahe - Threat to USEnet'. The sysadmin said that every
subject he posted about in his home network ended up in a flamewar over
abortion. The sysadmin concluded that Bob Rahe had a psychological need
to go on and on about it, and was therefore deserving of protective
status under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Andrew Beckwith (Net.canary to the uranium mine that is UseNet):

Nominated for talk.bizarre's Mr. Clay Pigeon 1994; a user of erratic spacing and, inappropriate comma's and apostrophes. Quote:
  For your information, I Andrew Beckwith, live in Pittsburgh, Pa. My  parents
live near Stanford  University, Califorina.
   Nice try. Merey off  by almost 3000 miles.
    Try again/
                              Andrew Beckwith
It's a bit difficult to follow his logic at times, but it does seem to usually be present. Andrew's sysadmin appears to be fully Clued about him (and says not to be concerned if he threatens to have your net.access revoked...) - and has had to tell Andrew to please not complain about people *not* sending him harrassing email... Is *very* amusing if you follow along for a while, as much for the responses he draws as for his posts. May be seen on alt.flame, talk.bizarre, alt.usenet.kooks, etc. A Jpeg is available from ftp.netcom.com : /pub/martinh (The Official Alt.FLame FTP and JPEG archive site). The expression "Andrew Beckwith pities you" has come into vogue on certain newsgroups to mean someone is *really* out of it (enough so to be noticed by Andrew, you see)... Managed to secure Kook-of-the-Month for May, 1994, awarded by alt.usenet.kooks (*the* group to lurk in if you're interested in the inexplicable side of Usenet posting...). Posts as "Andrew W. Beckwith" .

Joachim Martillo Ajami (multiple middle names elided):

Contrib. post:
 who, until approximately [1992], polluted most
soc.culture.* groups with diatribes as to (pick the culture)'s primitiveness
and need for recolonization by the enlighted West.
>Does anyone remember Juan Carlo Santos Martillo Ajami? (I may have got
>the name slightly wrong) Is he still around?
 Oh, I _do_ remember Martillo. He occasionally posts to talk.politics.mideast,
but he seems to've (thankfully) ceased infesting the soc.culture newsgroups
he used to turn up at.
> About 3 years ago he
>used to post on various politics groups: usually deliberately
>inflammatory stuff like "Time to Suspend and Dismantle India".  Basic
>view-point seemed to be a very right wing "America can do nothing wrong".
 At one time, Mark Crispin (who seems to've disappeared from the net entirely)
referred to him as a LaRouchie, although I'm not sure how that connects to
Martillo's "the Third World is inhabited by savages and colonialism is good
for them" party line, which is something he seems to repeat just about every
time he posts.
>When I once took him to task for a particularly outrageous
>round of this I got a barely-coherent e-mail accusing me of favouring
>Stalinism and baby-killing.
 You actually got _Email_ from him? Hmmm. He never bothered mailing me after I
flamed him on a few occasions...
>The "Ajami" part of the name appeared _ex_nihilo_ one day after he
>claimed to have had a Moslem great-uncle in Palestine who was murdered
>for collaborating with the Jews (or something like that).  He also showed
>up on soc.religion.islam, but I don't know what his religious views are.
 Presumably orthodox Loonyism. He seems the type. >:)
> Does anyone remember Juan Carlo Santos Martillo Ajami? (I may have got
> the name slightly wrong)
He used lots of variants, starting as Joachim Martillo and later spelling
his first name Yakim or Yehoyaqim as the fancy took him and adding the Ajami.
> Is he still around? [...]  Basic viewpoint seemed to be a very right wing
> "America can do nothing wrong". [...]
Haven't heard from him in a while.  He apparently got an article published
in a prestigious neo-conservative magazine (Commentary?), which says a lot
about their editorial standards...
> I don't know what his religious views are.
He is or was an atheist Sephardic Jew.  He mildly despised religious Jews
and Christians and regarded Muslims as subhuman vermin.

Mark "We must colonize Venus right NOW!" Sobolewski:

Contrib. post:
 from sci.space (where I only lurked, never posted) who is said to frequent
groups such as alt.feminism and soc.men, spouting non-stop that men have it
a lot worse than women in this society and how women is always trying to
exploit him;
 mark's most charming habit in soc.women and alt.feminism
is his creative definition of the word "feminist."  if
you try to argue with him by pointing out that you are a
feminist and you don't do [whatever thing he's accusing
feminists of this week], he simply claims that you're NOT
a feminist.
 at one point, he claimed that his definition of a feminist
was "a woman who makes more than $20K/year."  inexplicable.
 but i don't think he really qualifies as a net.loon.  he's
more of a net.butthead.
 Maybe I'm reading the wrong newsgroups, but Sobolewski seems to have

Kevin Darcy (Kibbles):

Contrib. post:
 who seem to draw fire from all flamers alike on any group (when I last
dipped into soc.men, I saw a lengthy flamewar with him committed firmly
on some side) but actually have a measure of intelligence (at least as of
1991, when I last posted actively in any group except rec.games.*);
 of course, these days in t.a, Darcy is just a minor irritation
compared to the all-out attempt to see how many variations of the same
one-note song Keegan (q.v.) can devise and post. It's almost enough to make me
wish Ralph Taite would come back...
-- Keven Darcey AKA "Kibbles" (ask Ted Frank for details...) Loon 2nd Class, with dog food cluster.

Seen most recently on alt.config arguing *passionately* against the creation of a moderated alt.dads-rights (apparently feeling that *he'd* not be allowed to post there, so it was Blatantly Unfair). Posts from kevin@rotag.mi.org (Kevin Darcy).

James Keegan:

Contrib. post:
 who must qualify as a BOT of some sort, flaming away at anything at a drop
of a hat and not necessarily at any particular doctrine or ideology-- when
I made the last-mentioned dip into soc.men a killfile for crossposts
nailed about 500 posts out of 1,000 with him in a flamefest of some
kind involving people who looks like pro-choicers from talk.abortion
(i.e. people who he was _nominally_ on the same side with).
 hey!  be nice to keegan!  when i told him i had the flu,
he fedexed me a box of chocolates!

He's back, and is at number 6 on the #-of-articles lists... looks like he's frequenting talk.abortion, alt.feminism, soc.men, soc.women, and alt.abortion.inequity (and fails the 50% test, by the way: his percentages in the news.lists postings add up to > 50%, indicating massive concentration on only a few newsgroups), as well as alt.usenet.kooks . *Not* entertaining to watch, as his followups tend to be endless repetitions on one basic theme, to be one-liners, and to have "creative editing" of the followed-up text. Has his own frequently-Tim-Pierce-rmgrouped alt.fan.* newsgroup. Posts as keegan@helios.ACM.RPI.EDU (James G. Keegan Jr.) or keegan@nyx10.cs.du.edu (james g keegan jr).

Jim Bowery ("Are YOU of Jewish heritage?"):

Seen in all the usual anti-semitic-suspect groups: alt.activism, alt.conspiracy, alt.revisionism (plus talk.politics.guns for some reason). Can be easily baited by Ted Frank. Promotes the "idea of genetic separatism":
that fine upright Nordic genes are in danger of being degraded by secular Jewish genes and therefore the possessors of the former need to keep themselves away from the possessors of the latter, as near as I can make out. Talk of him once proposing a colony on Mars, free of secular Jewish influences, has been flying on alt.usenet.kooks; apparently also once claimed Rush Limbaugh was part of the Jewish media conspiracy. A sample random quote, the first one I ran across on alt.revisionism while puttering through the newsgroups:
> When will our people wise up and learn from history???
 When we cease being educated and morally manipulated via media and academia by

 When will that happen?  When we form a society from which Jews are excluded
with extreme prejudice.
 The question the becomes, how does one avoid the definition of "extreme
prejudice" as it is used in intelligence circles:  murder.
 Our main mistakes in this New World were that we didn't include, in our
constitution, a genetic definition of citizenship and a prohabition against
imported labor (ie: slaves and migrant workers).  I would even go so far
as to put a prohabition against tourists of any kind because the key to
maintanence of the northern genetic constitution is avoidance of social
contact with those of southern genetic constition just as their key to
survival is avoidance of military or violent confrontation with those of
northern genetic constitution.

Posts as jabowery@netcom.com (Jim Bowery).

Rich Rosen:

Contrib. post:
 I just realized the list is also missing Rich Rosen, one of the earliest
net.legends, who back around 1986 produced so many voluminous postings
that there were rumors of rooms of people writing for him.
 Can someone write up something on Rich Rosen, immortalized in the
expire man page of bnews?
 BTW, does anyone know how he got there?  I recall once suggesting
using expire to delete all his articles (and getting flamed by him for
this), and many years (and a few releases) later I noticed that he was
*in* the expire man page.  Was he always there?
How can a Net.Legends list omit Rich Rosen?  I think he still holds the
record for amount of spontaneous, germane text in a single newsgroup

Doctress ("Lovolution") Neutopia:

Posts on The Gaia Religion and Neutopian Thought... has a scheme for planetary salvation involving arcologies, feminist lovolution, worship of Gaia. Can be seen in alt.censorship, among other places. Contrib. post:
lbsisk on BIX (lbsisk@BIX.com) wrote:
: I was not being critical of your intelligence, though your thought
: processes seem irrational, but of your belief system.
To form a new religion is a new belief system which is what I have
done in my dissertation.
: I do have a question or two, though.  What is the university which
: is purportedly going to award you a doctorate, and in which field
: of study is the doctorate being awarded?  If you wouldn't mind
: posting the name of the primary person who supervised your work,
: I would like to contact him or her to ask a couple of other questions.
: Feel free to respond by email if you prefer.
The doctorate I have been awarded is from the School of Education
in future studies.  The dissertation is a work of prophecy.
I am dealing with the occult powers.  Normally, traditional institions
do not give revolutionary thinkers degrees for their occult knowledge,
but I am a rare individual.
{disclaimer: the following statements are, actually, true}
 I have actually met this woman !
 She provided quite a bit of entertainment at a meeting of our Graduate
Student Senate last semester. Specifically, she debated with the UMass
Chancellor, David Scott, about how his vision for the university's next
20 years was flawed because it didn't involve EcoCities or the Information
Lovolution. They were both mostly spouting hot air, which is why it was
so much fun. (Also, he did a good job of appearing to take her seriously.)
 The Future Studies Dept. apparently was cut several years ago
(that's why her doctorate is actually an Ed.D.).
My first thought was, of course:
"This just goes to show that there's no future in future studies."
Her thesis can be found by ftp at bertha.pyramid.com, /pub/leri/Neutopia; those with Mosaic/WWW/Lynx access may check out http://xville.com/xville/ . May soon have her own newsgroup, alt.society.neutopia, to talk about the coming lovolution on. Posts as neutopia@titan.ucs.umass.edu (Doctress Neutopia) .

Carl J Lydick:

Frequent poster to sci.skeptic, sci.astro, talk.origins, and alt.folklore.science; has a memorable .sig, which is about VAXen, and about three lines too long. Is notable for a) a sometimes abrasive posting style - he does *not* suffer fools gladly, and will mercilessly flame Velikovskianites in particular into little manna-bearing ashes, and b) being nearly always right when he *does* correct someone. Watching him for a while can be fun. Currently taking on Ted Holden (q.v.) in talk.origins ... Posts as carl@SOL1.GPS.CALTECH.EDU (Carl J Lydick).

Jai ("The Voice Of Mantra Corporation") Maharaj:

Apparently posts a lot to alt.astrology, rec.food.veg, soc.culture.indian, and sci.med.nutrition; is a Vedic astrology follower and vegetarian. Will accuse people of "LIBEL", or of sending (non-existent) mailbombs. Posts little VEDA extracts. Has an alt.fan.jai-maharaj newsgroup. Is currently involving alt.culture.hawaii in his crossposts for some reason. A miniFAQ is available. Posts as cy717@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jai Maharaj) (email: jaimaharaj@mcimail.com).


Apparently a fixture on alt.atheism; stands out enough from the crowd there to be noticeable, which takes a bit of doing. May be partly responsible for some of gate.net's reputation... Contrib. post:
 This person has long ago passed the net.loon point and
is cruising easily through his own little net.psychosis.
This person posts under the name Publius from .
 Are there specific criteria a net.moron must meet to enter the halls of
the famous?  I, or indeed anyone over on alt.atheism, will be happy to tell
you about Publius (except maybe Publius himself).  For the record, I think
he long ago passed the Mozumder mark, and Mozumder is in the FAQ...  In
fact, ridicule of Publius became so great at one point that it primarily
brought about the creation of alt.atheism.satire, which has played host to
two stories about Publius.
Posts as publius@inca.gate.net (Publius).

David DeLaney ("I'm *not* everywhere, I'm *not*!"):

A relative newbie (10/93); notable mainly for his posting volume and his nearly-unbreakable habit of using the a.f.u ever-changing middle name. Tended to post in quantities greater than Serdar Argic (q.v.) did, but only by posting mainly to a vast quantity of mostly-unrelated groups; at one point out-argued Dick Depew. Had a dense, turgid, and somewhat scatterbrained writing style. Responsible for at least one version of the Net.Legends FAQ; opinions on this FAQ vary, all the way from "hysterically funny..." to "A pack of *lies*!!". Could be seen on any of several groups, including a.f.u, rec.arts.sf.written, news.newusers.questions, soc.motss, and alt.religion.kibology, as well as (once in a while) any of a great number of smaller-volume groups. Claims *not* to read all of the net, as this is clearly impossible nowadays; known to have followed at least six or seven high-volume groups closely, without killfiles. Unfortunately, the twin forces of ever-exponentially-increasing newsgroup volume and impending joblessness forced his withdrawal from the net in August '94; judging from the volume of email responding to this announcement, he made a deeper impression on the portions of Usenet than even he realized. May be back someday, but probably more "someday" than "soon"... Posted as dbd@{martha|panacea|enigma|utkux1}.utcc.utk.edu or eb359@cleveland.freenet.edu (David [B.] DeLaney).

Honorable Mention:

Ronald van Loon, maintainer of Motif++; quote: "I hate to jump in like this, but it makes one wonder. What do people have against Loons ? I have been a Loon almost all my life and I am as sane as a dodo's navel on ice." Included for obvious reasons... Posts as rvloon@motif.hacktic.nl (Ronald van Loon).